Reconciling Ministries Network

5 Ways to Make a Reconciling Resolution for 2012

As the new year approaches, many people make resolutions or set goals for 2012. I want to suggest 5 ways to make a resolution that moves The United Methodist Church closer toward full inclusion for all God's children.

1. Prayers

Pray for a fully inclusive church. Pray for General Conference 2012, for the delegates to General Conference, and for the volunteers and staff who are headed to Tampa. Pray for the local church of which you are a part, wherever it may be in the reconciling process (or not). Pray for people you know who need to hear that God's love includes them. Pray for the IRD, the Good News Movement, and others who have different understandings of what the Gospel means. Remember that prayer means listening, too, and responding to what God calls all of us to do.  

2. Presence

Be present at the local church of which you are part. If you can, be present for local or conference-wide Reconciling events, or even General Conference. Be present for the people you know and whomever God might put in your path who needs a Reconciling friend.

3. Gifts

Consider making a gift to RMN. What a great way to honor someone who has touched your life! Perhaps you feel called to make RMN a regular part of your spiritual practice of tithing.

4. Service

RMN has a whole webpage devoted to explaining how to get involved in service! There's also a range of possibilities in the local church to which you relate. And don't forget the many ways to be of service in the micro-politics of everyday conversation and interaction.

5. Witness

Tell your story! Why are you a Reconciling United Methodist? Why does the full humanity off all God's children matter to you, and why is it important within The United Methodist Church? Whether you seek opportunities to share your story or simply welcome those that come along, be open to the movement of the Spirit as chances to offer a word of witness present themselves. 

 

What is your Reconciling Resolution?

 

Meaning What We Say, Saying What We Mean

by Leland G. Spencer IV

In my everyday life, I study rhetoric. That means I read and write a lot about messages--what they do, what they mean, and a variety of ways to think about them. Sometimes, I get accused of "reading too much into things," and I often wonder if I do read too much into things or if my accusers just accept messages superficially without reading into them at all.

In that spirit, I have to confess that I'm baffled by two messages I've seen in the last few weeks. Maybe I'm reading too much into them, but I don't suspect so. I believe I'm perceiving messages that might not be obvious at first glance, but that deserve a second thought.

First, I visited a church while I was traveling a few weeks ago, and a bulletin insert said, "All church dinner, Thursday night. Get a babysitter--this one is ADULTS ONLY." In this case, I was alarmed at the church's narrow definition of "All church." Evidently, only adults are a part of this church. What are the children? A nuissance? The church of the future? I'm not sure. Oh, and lest we think all adults are included, remember that adults with children are only welcome if they can find a babysitter, so the hosts of the church dinner must define "All church" as middle-class adults, adults with no children, or adults with older children. Am I against adult-only activities? No! But there are ways to have such activities without prohibitively defining "church" to include only certain people. How about "Adult Night Out--drop the kids at church where free childcare is being provided, and come for a tasty dinner at 7pm!"

Last week, as I was on the way to a "Love Your Neighbor" training session, I passed a UM church whose sign advertised a "Fall Festival for Everyone." Here, the definitional problems are extra-textual, as that sign by itself is benign. However, I've been to that church, and I know from experience that "Everyone" does not mean everyone. For people like me, that particular church is a place of violence, exclusion, and pain. The sign says it's for everyone, but it really means, "everyone who already thinks and believes like we do." When people do disagree with something in that church, they're asked to leave. Does that sound like a place for everyone?

In both cases, the messages communicated are dangerous. In the first place, "All church" is defined too narrowly. In the second, the message of welcome isn't genuine. I offered a solution for the first problem, but the second is more complex and has implications for Reconciling Communities and Reconciling Individuals. Anyone can put "Fall Festival for Everyone" or "All are Welcome" on a church sign. Living out that welcome is a different and more difficult matter. From my point of view, it's better not to have a welcoming statement than to have one that isn't genuine.

How do you define "everyone"? What does "All" mean to you?

---

Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD candidate in the department of communication studies at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an graduate certificate in Women's Studies from the University of Georgia (2011) and an MA in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland is a 2007 graduate of Mount Union College (now known as University of Mount Union), a United Methodist-related school in Alliance, Ohio. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGB persons.

Reflections on MOSAIC/On Fire Pre-Conference

This was my third MOSAIC Pre-Conference, and just as in 2007 and 2009, I found the morning and afternoon exciting, renewing, and energizing. What a joy it is to greet old friends and meet new folks on this journey.

We began by introducing ourselves. We learned that we are from different places and all serving in a variety of exciting contexts for ministry. We also discovered that we have different tastes. Our “getting to know you question” was to reveal our favorite ice cream flavor to the group. The flavors ranged from local treats to the common standbys like chocolate chip cookie dough. Some people don’t eat ice cream at all, and prefer shaved ice or another delicious treat. Yes, yes. Even in talking about ice cream, the great hymn refrain “in our difference is blessing, from diversity we praise” echoed through my mind.

Our morning conversation centered around our sources of hope and our hopes for the future. We find hope in all sorts of places: reconciling conversations in conservative places, welcoming congregations, new connections, and of course, in relationship with God in Christ through the Holy Spirit. Our hopes range from the practical (like eliminating the incompatibility clause at General Conference 2012) to the theological (like being a part of a church that lives into the fullness of the creation/community/kin-dom/reign of God).

In our afternoon session, we talked about strategies for General Conference. We were reminded that “Love your neighbor” is the conference theme, a grassroots organizing effort, and a primary talking point. Too many spoilers this soon would just take all the fun out of it, but suffice it to say: progressive young adults will be present at GC2012.

Finally, we closed in worship with a reflection on Isaiah’s good word that God desires to gather all people into the beloved community. We shared a love feast where we served each other, and everyone heard a word of blessing. What a great way to begin Sing a New Song!

---

Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of communication studies at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland is a 2007 graduate of Mount Union College, a United Methodist-related school in Alliance, Ohio. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons..

An Inclusive Congratulations

by Leland G. Spencer IV

Annual Conference season has arrived, so I wanted to take a moment to express congratulations to everyone who is being/has been commissioned or ordained at annual conference this year. Especially to allies and LGBTQ people who have navigated the arduous process of candidacy, I say, congratulations. I'm glad you're working from the inside to make the whole church a place that shares God's inclusive heart.

I also want to congratulate Reconciling United Methodists with different relationships to the candidacy process, as I think these relationships are valid, valuable, and under-appreciated.

I say congratulations to LGBTQ people and allies who have been deferred or denied because of who you are. Perhaps you were honest about your identity or your supportive views, and such honesty led to your exclusion. I'm sorry this happened, and I'm sorry that Boards of Ordained Ministry sometimes function as gatekeepers rather than bodies that exist to recognize and celebrate God's gifts for ministry in the lives of the called. But I say congratulations for your exclusion. The voices of religious and political authority who have a vested stake in the status quo will often work hard to protect it, and that sometimes means keeping out those with other perspectives. In the fact of boards that are especially draconian, you could have chosen to equivocate or even transfer to a more open conference, but you made a difficult and courageous decision. Congratulations.

And I say congratulations to those who feel called, but have voluntarily withdrawn or extricated themselves from candidacy. That, too, is a difficult and courageous choice, and one I made four years ago. It is one that means understanding our call in new ways, like being present for people who have had bad religious experiences and need an affirming voice from an intelligent layperson who doesn't represent the institution as such.

Finally, I say congratulations to those who remain in candidacy or process for ordained ministry, but do so in different denominations. We'll miss you in the UMC, but I'm glad you've found a place your gifts will be recognized and celebrated. I'm sorry you had to leave this denomination to find a home, but that, too, is a difficult and courageous choice.

This season of the year is a difficult one for me, as it always means revisiting the painfulness and difficulty of whatever choices allies and LGBTQ people who are called to ordained ministry in the UMC make. Right now, none of these options are fully adequate (and none of them are all bad). All of them, I hope, offer us glimpses, albiet incomplete, of how to be about the reconciling work of loving God and loving our neighbor.

---

Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of communication studies at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons.

"Forgive them, for they know not what they do."

In the last several weeks, I've been reflecting on a scripture passage that most of us will hear soon as we approach Holy Week: Jesus' prayer from the cross, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." What I've been thinking about is whether such a prayer is appropriate to borrow in my own experience, particularly related to the often difficult work of being a voice and presence of reconciliation.

As I mentioned in my previous entry on this blog, sometimes the work we do as Reconciling United Methodists is difficult. Sometimes, we're called to have conversations with hostile people or called to be vocally and visibly present in places where our voices and bodies are not welcome.

Still, I hesitate to respond too hastily and hyperbolically to opposition. I don't want to make flippant comparisons between my own situation the crucifixion of Jesus. Neither do I want to suggest that people who disagree with me--and are doing their best to be faithful--are willfully and stubbornly ignorant. Even so, I would be dishonest if I said that some of the conversations I have had in the last few weeks were easy to brush off. Indeed, some were more than just difficult. Some were downright hurtful.

For now, I've concluded that I can use that prayer for myself, as long as I also use it on myself. I pray that God will forgive those who hurt me and people like me, and I acknowledge that perhaps they do not know the impact of their positions. However, I must also recognize my own incompleteness. I, too, sin. I, too, grieve God's heart and hurt people. Just as I pray, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do," I must also pray, "Forgive me, for I know not what to do. Creative and Creating God, search me and reveal to me those places and times where my own ignorance and arrogance causes pain and brokenness in relationships."

May this be our prayer for those who hurt us, and may this be our prayer for ourselves.

---

Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of communication studies at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons.

Diligently Dealing with Difficult Discussions

I attend a Sunday School class that I really treasure, and one thing I appreciate about the class is that we always seem to welcome robust discussion where we can disagree, discuss, and debate about issues of faith and life. We come to the end of the hour, we still love each other, and we have all learned something from the conversation.

Today, our discussion turned to an unfortunate example in an otherwise all right book about the importance of prayer. The example was about an "ex-gay," and suggested that prayer and proper training in masculinity was enough to change someone's orientation. Although this example was not the main point of the chapter, I did think it was dangerous and problematic enough to address, so I did.

I've been praying for weeks about what to do in this case, and I decided I needed to address it. For me, the toxicity of that example was evident, and the falseness of its message didn't challenge me for even a moment. However, I have learned that I'm never the only person in a given room for whom a message of reconciliation is relevant. I had to speak up about this problematic illustration not for my own sake, but for the others in the circle, and for those who might some day sit in the circle.

The conversation was tense and difficult, but I'm glad I said what I did. I appreciate the times when this class challenges me, and I hope those who might have been challenged by what I said will come to appreciate that in time. My reason for telling that story in this context is to remind you, dear Reconciling Reader, just how important our message is.

The easier thing for me to do today would have been to stay silent, to leave the noxious illustration unaddressed and perhaps forgotten. After all, I've sorted through these questions over the last several years and feel pretty good about where I stand. However, as a Reconciling United Methodist, I must remember where I have been and recognize that others are in different places than I in thinking through questions about the relationship between queer sexualities and Christian faith. If I'm serious about helping the United Methodist Church be a place of welcome for all God's people, my conscience compels me to speaking up in cases like these.

In the moments that followed that class, and I suspect for some weeks to come, people shared a range of reactions and asked good, smart questions. Yes, my friends, this is difficult, but it's also important. The work we do changes lives, so let us be diligent in it!

---

Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of speech communication at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons.

Looking forward to Sing A New Song!

Whenever I see an email from RMN that reminds me of the upcoming convocation, "Sing a New Song," I am filled with excitement and anticipation! I am already making plans to attend, and I hope you'll do the same.

Sing a New Song will be my third RMN convocation, and although it is several months away still, I can't wait! The 2007 convocation in Tennessee and the 2009 one in Colorado were fantastic experiences of inspired worship, stimulating Bible study, informative workshops, and deeply transformative relationship-building. For some reason, I just know the next convocation will be the best yet!

Please begin planning now to attend! I look forward to seeing you there!

 

---

Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of speech communication at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons.

Just Too Much

Yesterday, I said to a colleague, "Every time I open an Internet browser, it seems that I hear about another gay suicide." I know from my training as a student and scholar of communication that the number of news stories about something, whether shark attacks at the beach, plane crashes, or gay teenagers killing themselves is not necessarily indicative of a trend or pattern, but rather of newsworthiness.

I am not sure whether suicide rates of LGBTQ teenagers are increasing, but the recent number of stories about it has caused me to pause for thought. In a widely circulated video, Ellen addresses this series of recent stories poignantly:

As Ellen says, "we have an obligation to change this. There are messages everywhere that validate this, [...] and we have to make it stop. We can't let intolerance and ignorance take another kid's life."

My dear friends, if ever we become complacent in our work of reconciliation, let this be a reminder of what we're about. Our beloved United Methodist Church is one of the places that produces the sorts of messages Ellen refers to so powerfully here. I need not rehearse the hurtful terms in our polity or the even more hurtful things that faithful--but I believe misguided--United Methodists say in their attempts to interpret and live out that polity.

I know some of our readers would not consider themselves Reconciling UMs. Some are here with questions. Some are here to keep tabs and see what we're doing. So, I want to close with a question for those who disagree with me on the question of inclusion/reconciliation: Do you believe, as I do, that God's heart breaks for these young people and their families? And if so, how does the current language of our official position work to do anything but exacerbate their pain and God's pain? When will we understand the impact and the consequences of our language and the attitudes of our hearts?

---

Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of speech communication at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons.

Remembering Who We Are

by Leland Spencer IV

Last week in my Sunday School class, someone had the idea that we go around the circle and tell about what our faith backgrounds were before ending up as regulars in this Sunday School class at a United Methodist Church. In a class of about 20, I was somewhat surprised to learn that only three of us were "Cradle" United Methodists (if you count predecessor denominations).

I suspect the conversation meant different things to different people in the room. I was surprised to learn about the diversity of backgrounds we had. There were people there who grew up Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Episcopalian, Nondenominational, Presbyterian, Jewish, Christian Church (DOC), or without a faith connection. Some people still identified with the denomination they had grown up in (and were just attending a UMC) while others now identified as UM and others preferred not to identify with a particular denomination.

I appreciated the conversation because it gave me a chance to revisit many of the reasons I remain United Methodist. Sometimes, in this movement, we (understandably) become so focused on what needs to change in the church and on the ways the church has hurt us that we can risk losing sight of why we stick around to work for change. We all know there are more open denominations, but for various reasons, we remain in this one.

When it was my turn to share, I talked about the congregation where I was baptized, and I recited some of the vows they took that day. I expressed my gratefulness that people took those vows seriously and were there to nurture me in my faith. I talked about the day I joined the church and the vows I made. I said that I hoped I was still living out those vows faithfully. I talked about the moment when I experienced a call to ministry in the United Methodist Church, and my difficult decision to withdraw from that process when I discovered I did not believe I could live that call out authentically. I concluded that though I might love the UMC more than it loves me, I am still--at the center of who I am--United Methodist.

I invite you to think for a moment about who you are and why you remain. Share your thoughts in the comment thread.

---

Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of speech communication at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons.

On Asking & Telling

by Leland Spencer

I have to confess that I'm conflicted about the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Of course, as a feminist and a reconciling United Methodist, I support the right of any person to have any job without regard to her or his sexual orientation (or, for that matter, sex, gender, gender identity, or gender expression); however, something about supporting any effort that increases the number of people in the military doesn't sit right with me. If DADT is repealed, queer folks will have the same rights to get shot or have their bodies blown to bits as anyone else. Is that really the kind of equality we're working for in this movement? I'm not trying to be flippant; my concern is serious. If an underlying theme of this movement's work is human dignity and the sacred worth of each person, is that compatible with increased militarism?

Not having sorted entirely through this paradox, its very existence brings me to another: The UMC also has a DADT policy, but we describe it with bigger words and no contractions. And, clearly, I support the repeal of the church's version of DADT. Therefore, a fair question based on my concern in the first paragraph is whether adding out, practicing queer people into the current structure of the church actually does anything for human dignity. My initial answer is yes, and that the church and the military are different. I am privileged to have had moments in my life where I've seen the church at its best, so I know the church can be a source of hope in connecting people with the resource of faith, and indeed, in resisting evil, injustice, and oppression in whatever forms they present themselves.

So, I conclude that I support the repeal of both DADT policies, though I am substantially more ambivalent about the first than the second.

---

Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of speech communication at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons.