Reconciling Ministries Network

Wonderfully Made

by Violet Fenn

On May 19, I took a major step in my gender transition when I had out-patient surgery that takes me closer to completion. As I think about this, I am reminded of a portion of Psalm 139. In this part, David praises God for creating him; he is “fearfully and wonderfully made.” This is an incredible concept, but one that unfortunately gets used towards those in the LGBTQ community in a judgmental manner. When we come out, we are told that those feelings are sinful. To add insult to injury, those same people presumptuously tell us that we weren’t created to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, as if they knew exactly what God was thinking.

My earliest memory of “feeling different” came at the age of six or seven. My fundamental religious upbringing forbade me from saying anything about it. As I grew up, there were several incidents that occurred that were evidence of my transgender nature but there was a sense of shame attached and I repressed my feelings. When I was 26, I finally realized that I am a transgender woman. Though I knew the answer, I believed that there was something wrong with me and felt like a freak of nature. I believed God wouldn’t make me like that and I actually developed a sense of self-hatred. Eventually with time and incredible support and resources, my self-hatred went away.

While I don’t know why I have been created as transgender, I know that there is a reason behind it, just as David acknowledged in Psalm 139’s sixteenth verse:

“Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.”

Those of us in the LGBTQ community are all beautiful children of God, just like our straight allies. We add to the incredible diversity of creation. Never forget that.

---

Violet Fenn, a United Methodist for 5 years, is a senior at Northeastern State University in Broken Arrow, OK majoring in English with a minor in Psychology. Violet became involved with RMN in April after attending a Call to Witness training. She is now part of leadership with MOSAIC as well as its TransJustice work group.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

by Violet Fenn

Redistributed from Reconciling Ministries FlashNet

Today is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Today, many memorial services will be held around the world to remember the lives of men and women that were killed because of they were transgendered. As of November 11th, eighty-eight (11 in the U.S) beautiful children of God are no longer with us because of hatred and bigotry at its worst.

I am a transwoman. Though I have never been a victim of a violent attack, I have experienced bigotry. In June, I was asked not to return to the Sunday school class I was part of at the UMC church I was a member of. Most of the members of the class knew me before I began my gender transition and promised their support. Needless to say, when I was asked not to come back, I was shocked and hurt. Not only that, I was baffled that a church professes “Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors” could deny one of its members the fellowship of others simply because of gender identity. I was told that had I been a gay man or a lesbian, there wouldn’t have been any issues.

Unfortunately, situations similar to this are far too common within the Methodist Church. The UMC has no doubt lost many members that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer and has lost many who are our allies simply because of discrimination.

I did not give up on the UMC; I truly believe that it can be fully open and inclusive. Last year, a step in the right direction was made when a resolution against homophobia and heterosexism was passed by the 2008 General Conference. One section in particular rings out: “THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that The United Methodist Church strengthen its advocacy of the eradication of sexism by opposing all forms of violence or discrimination based on gender, gender identity, sexual practice or sexual orientation.” How do we as United Methodists put this into practice? By practicing openness and authenticity.

We practice openness when we live unashamed of our gender identity or sexual orientation. We practice openness when we tell others that as straight allies we love and are welcoming to our LGBT brothers and sisters. We practice openness when we proclaim that violence and discrimination towards the LGBT community is wrong.

We practice authenticity when we put those words and thoughts into action.

On this day, I also remember the incredible contributions that many in the trans community have made. In my own journey, UMC minister Rev. David Weekley and Dr. Laura Arrowsmith, the leader of the transgender support group I attend, have made a huge and positive impact.

While I grieve for the fallen, I also grieve the exclusion of transgendered men and women in the Church. When we are fully inclusive, we honor Christ’s intention for the Church and repent of the sin of exclusion. By authentically practicing inclusion, we keep hope alive, honor the memory of the fallen and honor the world’s amazing diversity.

A Memoir on the Day Hate Crime Legislation was Signed

By Peter L. DeGroote

I am sitting in an office at Foundry United Methodist Church. Six blocks down the road, President Obama is signing legislation adding sexual orientation and gender identity to our hate crimes laws. It has been 30 years since passage of the original hate crimes law (1979) and 13 years since the last failed attempt at amendment. (This amendments includes protection based on gender and for those with disabilities and adds resources to help local governments investigate hate crimes.)

The original law came as part of the civil rights tide that washed over this country during the 60’s and 70’s. That was when we began to understand our oppression was also a denial of our civil rights.

People began to come out. The public reaction often seemed like a game of whack-a-mole. Whenever someone decided to live a more authentic life by being honest about his or her sexual identity there were many around ready to knock them back into silence and conformity. That included family and police. Law enforcement was an openly hostile institution just as capable of rendering violence as others.

I joined Foundry in 1980, a year after passage of the original hate crimes legislation. During the early years of that decade little footprints were painted on the sidewalks of the DuPont Circle neighborhood in which Foundry is located. They marked the spot where gay men had been physically attacked and, in a few cases, murdered.

The violence had a profound impact on the entire neighborhood. It is one reason Foundry is a Reconciling Congregation and why most of the nearby churches have an open and welcoming attitude toward LGBT folks. Being a witness to violence, or knowing someone who has been beaten or killed, or realizing that such an act occurred just down the street calls up human capacities of compassion as well as questions about what it is we mean by justice.

During this time some of us who were members of Foundry began a bible study program that, after several years, launched a congregational discussion that ultimately led to Foundry’s becoming a Reconciling Congregation. Later, as clergy I had the privilege of being appointed to Foundry for a couple of years, one of which included the 10-year anniversary of the passage of the Reconciling resolution.

By then discussions had gone much further. The language of gay/lesbian was gone. The initials had grown to LGBTI. The term sexual preference, suggesting that we make a choice in our affectional ties/attractions was finally abandoned. In its place was sexual orientation. Gender identity emerged as term describing personal characteristics that many of us had to learn about—and many of us are still learning.

Along with all of those developments was emergence of the clear understanding that those tools by which we were being oppressed had to do with civil rights. In addition to hate crimes protection, we seek rights to military service, protection from discrimination in housing and employment, and marriage equality.

Civil rights are the product of the civil society, os which the church is only a member. The UM Church, claims it is committed to upholding the civil rights of all people to include LGBT people. We’ll get the civil rights, then we’ll see what the church does.  

Now, as a retired pastor, I am once more sitting here in the DuPont Circle neighborhood, in an office at Foundry, assisting in an interim way, only for a few weeks. On this fateful day I should celebrate but I feel strangely quiet. Maybe that will change tomorrow evening when we all go down the road just a little to Asbury United Methodist Church where DC clergy in support of the proposed marriage equality law in Washington have called us to join in Soulful Voices for Marriage Equality—a Faith Celebration.

The beat goes on! 

A Month of Sundays

By Rev. David Weekley

It has only been a month of Sundays since I attended Reconciling Ministries' Convocation,"Justice and Joy". It was an inspirational and literal mountain-top experience. I am thankful to every person who made this event possible. Just to be there, in community, was more than enough. To be honored by receiving the "Voice in the Wilderness" award for telling my story as a transgender clergy was an incredible honor. Returning home from this peak experience has been something like a rollercoaster.

A most vivid memory of mine is an amusement park rollercoaster. It was the corkscrew variety and climbed very high before the first steep drop. Strapped into my seat with a padded harness, I could barely move, but I could distinctly hear the 'click', 'click' of the drive-system moving us closer and closer to the pinnacle. Although I knew it was impossible I did utter a prayer to be removed from that ride. Then we were over the top and on our way. I closed my eyes a lot, and held on; there was nothing else to do. I admit, there have been moments, whole days in fact, when life felt exactly like those initial moments on that rollercoast. Like the rollercoaster ride, there was no getting off once I got on. These last four weeks have carried me, my family, and my community into a new space. This part of the journey is just beginning.

Like the rollercoaster, after the initial terror, sharing my story has been and remains an amazing experience. It is still so new I can barely express myself yet in words. But there is one wonderful result so far in this new part of the story. Over this month of Sundays, from the morning I first shared my transgender identity with my congregation I have received emails, letters, cards and other affirmations, prayer-support, and encouragement from all over the United States, and world. Most inspiring and joyful for me are the number of persons contacting me sharing their stories and sharing hope. In one situation a mother who watched the CBS interview wrote to tell me she was stuggling with her young-adult child's transition, but had found new understanding and resources from the interview. Hours later I received an email from that adult child, telling me their mother had changed her attitude and had some fears dispelled from that brief segment. To date I have received more than three hundred emails and cards. I have been able to refer many people to resources in their communities. These contacts displace any rollercoaster fears with deep gratitude and joy. All of these blessings, and it has only been a month of Sundays!   

If we do not remember our history...

By Rev. Gilbert H. Caldwell

Slavery served to separate Methodists into separate denominations. When these separated denominations united, they did so by separating and segregating most black Methodists into the Central Jurisdiction. Some felt, and some still feel, that Scripture prohibits women from being ordained and serving as church pastors. 

In 1954, when the Supreme Court declared that the practice of "separate but equal schools" was invalid, some churches established racially segregated academies that in some places were responsible for closing the public schools.

Karen Armstrong writes; "Fundamentalists have turned the mythos of their religion into logos either by insisting that their dogmas are scientifically true, or by transforming their complex mythology into a streamlined ideology" (The Battle for GOD, A History of Fundamentalism).

What is it about the inclusion of those who have been excluded that causes some persons to believe that the God who visited/visits humanity in the person of Jesus Christ needs them to be "gate-keepers" in order to keep some people away from God?  The "gate-keepers" of the past have wasted so much of God's good time and have made it impossible for some of the excluded to come inside the gate and be for them what they have not been able to be for themselves.

This 40th anniversary of Woodstock brings to mind Bob Dylan's "Blowin' in the Wind."  Would not God be served if those who claim that they exclude "in the name of God," asked and answered for themselves the questions that are asked in the song; "How many years can some people exist, before they're allowed to be free? How many times can a man turn his head, pretending he just doesn't see? The answer, my friend, is blowin'in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind."

God's Love is Without Limits

Rev. Gilbert H. Caldwell

It seems that over and over again, "happenings" within the United Methodist Church nudge me to re-read the writings of those who are not United Methodists. The negative response to the testimony of two women in a worship service at an Annual Conference session has provoked some negative responses that are of deep concern. We claim that we believe the love of God is all-encompassing, but then some say, "How dare two women who are in a committed relationship to each other testify in a worship service to their experience of the love of God?"

I re-read these words that I had first read ten years ago.

The once unchallenged moral authority of the church has been devastated by its defenses of slavery, apartheid, and segregation, by its persecution of heretics, by its opposition to the emancipation of women, and by its hostility to gay and lesbian people.

The church that will live in the present and survive into the future will not be about the task of propagandizing its people...It will see the Christian life as a journey that is ongoing, a journey the goal of which is the undefined mystery of God, and in the pursuit of that goal no boundaries on the human spirit will be admissible

From The Bishop's Voice, Selected Essays 1979-1999, John Shelby Spong, 1999.

When will we who know that God loves us despite much that is us, stop seeking to restrict others who also know that God loves them? The love of God that I have experienced is so overwhelming that I do not believe God needs any of us to restrict others from expressing the love of God that they have known and know. God's love is without limits. What better place to express that love if not in a worship service?

Back in the Day

By Transgender Clergy Person

Becoming more active in the LGBTQ community, I realize I am often much older than others; older not necessarily in chronological age, but in transition age. Thirty-four years is a long time. It is longer than many of the people I meet in the community today have been alive. Someone once referred to me as a 'pioneer', which I guess is the truth. As one person recently said, "It's a different world than when you transitioned." In many ways this is true; in others, it seems little has changed. One change I especially appreciate and celebrate is the move towards transparency in life. "Back in the day" as they say, the particular medical team I worked with counseled me to live a post-transition life completely disconnected from the past. I was advised to fabricate 'facts' from early years if necessary, and closely guard who I shared my true story with in the future. I remember arguing there were things about this counsel that did not feel right. I asked one psychiatrist  how I could possibly have authentic relationships which such a large part of "me" left out? He responded saying it was no more an issue than the fact most people do not generally share their deepest 'secrets', even with spouses and close friends. 

As I reflect on this advice and all that has happened in the years since, I can say two things. First, I am certain that on some level this counsel was intended to be helpful, and even protective. On the other hand, this standard also protects society from the pressure to openly discuss gender identity and sexual orientation from anything other than a binary, polarized, and polarizing perspective [For further reading on this see, 'Omnigender' by Dr. Virginia Ramey Mollencott, Pilgrim Press]. From my vantage point today, in accepting the 'Harry Benjamin Standards of Care' that contained these guidelines, the medical community practiced a type of "Don't ask, don't tell" policy with its transgender clients. Such a policy ultimately fails and does harm while enforced, as people are encouraged to hide aspects of their authentic selves. It also allows society to continue unjust policies and practices towards LGBTQ people. If we do not exist, why do we need protection and equal rights? 

For the third time this week I have shared my story with friends or members of my congregation. Last evening I enjoyed a picnic dinner during which I shared my story with two more people. Each time I have risked this move into transparency, the results have been dramatic. Last night was another blessing as walls came down, pretense and facade fell away, and five individuals experienced genuine spiritual community together.

I am grateful for this particular change among those working with LGBTQ persons within medical and counseling communities. At the same time, I continue to grieve how the Church reinforces these out-dated standards in a futile attempt to protect itself from the very abundance of life it espouses. There are some things that must be left where they belong, "back in the day."

   

"All Means All": It Sounds So New, but Isn't

By Transgender Clergy Person

My denomination is presently split over what is known as the "All Means All" campaign, essentially a grassroots effort to remove a long list of those especially welcomed in our churches to simply say, "All people are welcome in our churches." Somehow, our conservatives have interpreted this as a conspiracy to welcome LGBTQ [Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, and Bisexual and Questioning persons] into our houses of worship. This, in turn has resulted in a well-funded and well-published effort to stop "All Means All" before it becomes a ratified change to our denomination's Book of Discipline.

Well, I and the congregation I serve already do welcome every person who comes to worship with the welcome of Christ. How could any Christian really oppose such a statement? Unfortunately, some of the more fearful in our denomination once again attempt to throw 'traditional family values' into the discussion, wanting to connect present conventional western [i.e. American] culture--including its interpretation of what constitutes a family--as that which follows a divine plan and maintains those current values as the apex of God's plan. Discussions and evaluations of LGBTQ persons [generally without our representation] inevitably enter into the center of such discussion, where we are deemed  'abominations, unredeemed, hated by God' and otherwise unfit for serious consideration.

The truth is that current definitions are far from those in place in Jesus' lifetime. In that time, women were considered property under religious law, without rights of inheritance, vote, or other public voice. This is one reason a woman such as the judge Deborah stands out, as well as other women who are named in the Old and New Testaments. Monogamy was not the law of that day, and it was common for one man to have several wives. There was also the custom of Levarite marriage, whereby a surviving brother was obligated to marry his deceased brother's wife and produce children in honor of his brother's name. None of these values survive in today's list of American 'traditional family values' as defined by some conservative Christians.

In fact, the acknowledgment and social inclusion of gender variant persons is noted in ancient Jewish texts and interpretations of Scripture. For example: In the Talmud, the Androgynos is a person who has both male and female sexual characteristics. There are 149 references in the Mishna and Talmud, and 335 in classical midrash and Jewish law codes concerning the androgynos. Contrary to the general interpretation of the "Adam and Eve" story in the Book of Genesis, Rabbi ben Elazar, commenting on this text said: "When the Holy One, blessed be the One, created the first 'adam' [human being], God made him an 'androgynos'. As here it is written,'in the likeness of God, God created them; male and female [Genesis 5:2]

Our spiritual ancestors acknowledged the positive presence of diversity in creation, including gender variant people. Honored spiritual leaders from centuries ago were capable of recognizing the value and unique perspective that gender variant persons of faith have to offer. If we really desire to return to traditional family values, we should look as objectively as possible at what such values were around two thousand years ago. There is no parallel between marriage and family culture in that time and those of a certain segment of American culture today. It would also benefit all persons of faith to consider what other scholars, such as those I mentioned, have to offer in our current conversations.

It seems that there have been times when "All Means All" was lived out in faith communities. It is impossible to understand why today more than 50% of my denomination trembles at such a vision. This is the very denomination which affirms in our Holy Communion service that "all are welcome at Christ's table," right next to our current communications campaign slogan, "Open hearts, open minds, open doors- the people of The United Methodist Church."  When will "all" really mean all?  

    

Faith Has No Boundaries: The Bridge to Victory for LGBT Advocates

By Kelli Busey

Like a fireman guiding a plume of water, faith-based LGBT advocates focus on the very root and cause of bigotry and ignorance.

LGBT faith advocates worship with people who oppose us on equality, in their Churches, and are accessing the most viable path to successfully opening hearts and minds and may soon share an incredible spiritual link with even our most intense opponent.

Christ's love knows no boundaries.

LGBT Faith advocates are absolutely essential for our civil rights movement's success.

In Christianity, historically, the most successful and victorious opponents of LGBT rights worships along side us every Sunday. We might be sharing the same interior walls or be miles apart but we are together none the less at the base of Christ's cross.

Some Christian ministries have become lost and have divided their congregations by encouraging distrust, fear and anger. This is what motivated the originators of the segregation of people of color in the past, and presently is being manipulated to target LGBT people by seeking to deny and exclude us from participation and ministry in worship and social equality.

As the ages have born witness, as more people become aware, the breeze becomes a hurricane and anger becomes a barren rock, swept clean of all pretentious facades, exposing to believers of Christ the underlying ugliness of bigotry.

Christians soon recognize this as hate and contrary to everything we share and love and the process of doubting these unfortunate and misleading ministries begins. A new, fertile soil is carried on our breeze and joined with the rock as our tears nurture the seeds of love and hope.

The when and where this realization begins is up to each and every one of us.

If we only worship in our LGBT churches, the word of Christ will remain muted. If we choose to be a part of this wind and worship on Sundays when we are strong enough to bare our souls at Churches we know reject us, we bring this conversation undeniably to full view.

Choose a Sunday!

Choose a Sunday when you feel strong and put on identifying apparel, {or in my case I'm a transgender woman and I just have to go} that makes you visible and sit down in a pew. Breath in the moment. You will feel every possible emotion from your neighbours. Surprisingly, you may notice acceptance from some, but many may fear and loathe you. These are learned reactions, so when people see that you are there to truly worship, distrust and fear are diminished. Some may still hate you and object to your very presence, and you might even be denied communion.

It's not easy, but our Saviour suffered for us so we us could do this.

On that very day, you will have accomplished a miracle. You will have touched people deeply by your bravery and faith. You will have introduced and communicated on a personal level our community to people who otherwise would have never known us.

Whether I am going to burn in hell, as one Baptist Minister told me, or if I am a true disciple of Jesus, as I am convinced, we share our faith together. I will go to his church on Sunday and love Jesus Christ as much as if I was in an MCC Church. This is the bridge, solid as a rock, and available for us to cross to victory.

Wonderful work by the IWR

Institute for Welcoming Resources
Two groundbreaking studies find religious voices critical to the advancement of LGBT equality

Organizing GLBTQ faith advocacy

Soulforce Sundays of Solidarity

Coming Out- Again

"It's not a problem for me! I hope you retire here...we have some of them in our family,too!"

Aside from the "retire" comment this conversation could easily have occurred decades ago, during life between the ages of fourteen and twenty-nine; those years when every new relationship eventually led to some type of disclosure regarding my transgender identity. It was inevitably touch-and-go about when to share this part of my lifestory with new friends, but I never doubted it would be part of our conversation at some point. 

This all changed when I entered seminary and then local church ministry. Although I attended a seminary well-known for both its academics and its emphasis on social justice, once enrolled I found it less welcoming than I anticipated. Following graduation, I was not long into my first appointment when a conversation over lunch with a new colleague raised my apprehension. When he compared being a member of the lgbt community with his own struggle with 'addiction' to smoking marijuana, and how we can and should all be "cured" through faith just as he was at an evangelical prayer meeting, I understood the precariousness of my position. I learned that in order to serve in the United Methodist Church, which I felt called to do, I needed to dive back into the closet. This is where I and my spouse continue to live, though doors are beginning to open. Now, almost forty years after my first "coming out" I find myself doing it all over again. Forty years in the wilderness are drawing to a close. This was marked by that comment above, "It's not a problem for me. I hope you retire here. We have some of them in our family, too!" 

Years ago I helped develop a new program at a local church. We soon discovered that as an oversight I had no office or workspace. I moved from one shared space to another for the year, even ending up in a large closet in the nursery for a few weeks! During this time my wife gave me a lapel button she found that read, "Out of the closet and into the streets"! It was great fun to wear and even to enjoy the ironic humor. Today the pin seems more prophetic message than hidden humor. 

And so after twenty-seven years in this clergy closet, just last week I sat with my wife and two most cherished members of my congregation. We shared prayer and stories never spoken in previous congregations. It was then this beautiful, smiling, eighty-four year old said to me: "It's not a problem for me! I hope you retire here. We have some of them in our family, too!" Wow! Twenty-nine years after I first came out, here I am coming out again; out of the closet and into the streets! It feels good to be breathing the fresh air of their acceptance. I will not return to the closet again.