Reconciling Ministries Network

Reflections on MOSAIC/On Fire Pre-Conference

This was my third MOSAIC Pre-Conference, and just as in 2007 and 2009, I found the morning and afternoon exciting, renewing, and energizing. What a joy it is to greet old friends and meet new folks on this journey.

We began by introducing ourselves. We learned that we are from different places and all serving in a variety of exciting contexts for ministry. We also discovered that we have different tastes. Our “getting to know you question” was to reveal our favorite ice cream flavor to the group. The flavors ranged from local treats to the common standbys like chocolate chip cookie dough. Some people don’t eat ice cream at all, and prefer shaved ice or another delicious treat. Yes, yes. Even in talking about ice cream, the great hymn refrain “in our difference is blessing, from diversity we praise” echoed through my mind.

Our morning conversation centered around our sources of hope and our hopes for the future. We find hope in all sorts of places: reconciling conversations in conservative places, welcoming congregations, new connections, and of course, in relationship with God in Christ through the Holy Spirit. Our hopes range from the practical (like eliminating the incompatibility clause at General Conference 2012) to the theological (like being a part of a church that lives into the fullness of the creation/community/kin-dom/reign of God).

In our afternoon session, we talked about strategies for General Conference. We were reminded that “Love your neighbor” is the conference theme, a grassroots organizing effort, and a primary talking point. Too many spoilers this soon would just take all the fun out of it, but suffice it to say: progressive young adults will be present at GC2012.

Finally, we closed in worship with a reflection on Isaiah’s good word that God desires to gather all people into the beloved community. We shared a love feast where we served each other, and everyone heard a word of blessing. What a great way to begin Sing a New Song!

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Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of communication studies at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland is a 2007 graduate of Mount Union College, a United Methodist-related school in Alliance, Ohio. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons..

We Are What We Are

by Violet Fenn

Earlier this month, I learned that I have been accepted to Phillips Theological Seminary for the fall semester. I am very excited and a little nervous as the next chapter of my life begins. A few days after I got the wonderful news, I had a phone conversation with my brother. Since my gender transition began a little over two years ago, my family has made leaps and bounds in coming to terms with my journey. After talking to my brother, I was reminded that there is still more room for acceptance. When I told him that I had been accepted to seminary, he responded that he was surprised. When I asked why, he said, “because of what you are.”I didn’t have a response to this as I was taken aback. In retrospect, I could have told him, “I am what I am.” This has been response that I’ve used in the past when others have taken leave of their manners by asking inappropriate questions about my transition.

This response I borrow from a wonderful Broadway musical, “La Cage Aux Folles, which is playing on Broadway currently in its second revival. It’s the story of a gay couple, Georges and Albin, who own a nightclub where Albin is the headliner. He performs in drag as Za Za. Georges and Albin learn that their son, Jean-Michel is getting married to the daughter of a right-wing politician who has an agenda to close all the drag clubs in town. Jean-Michel’s fiancé and parents are coming for dinner and Georges realizes that Albin can’t be at dinner because the parents assume that Jean-Michel’s parents are a heterosexual couple. When Albin learns this, his feelings are hurt and in a show-stopping end to the musical’s first act, he sings the song “I Am What I Am.” In it, Albin sings that he can’t be anything other than what he is, a gay man. No one else has to like it, but he must be himself.

Whether a person is straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer, we can best be an example for God by being exactly how we were created. Anything less is denying ourselves and others the joy and peace that God wants all of us to experience. Anything less also denies us the opportunity to show that we are all children of God, loved by God, and accepted by God. Being ourselves is one powerful way to educate others and show them that the Church would be is a weaker body without the diversity that is so essential to its well-being. By being ourselves we invite others, as Albin sings, “to see things from a different angle.” If we do this, we make a big step towards diversity and acceptance in the Church.

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Violet Fenn is currently a United Methodist in exile due to a lack of reconciling congregations in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where she lives and is attending a UCC church. She began her gender transition in 2008 and has been active working against bigotry and intolerance for many years. She is active in MOSAIC and the leader of its TransJustice working group. This fall, she is beginning the next chapter of her journey by attending Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa for a Master's in Divinity. Despite the bigotry and transphobia she has experienced at the hands of a UMC congregation, she believes that the Methodist Church will become open and affirming of everyone in the LGBTQ community.

Wonderfully Made

by Violet Fenn

On May 19, I took a major step in my gender transition when I had out-patient surgery that takes me closer to completion. As I think about this, I am reminded of a portion of Psalm 139. In this part, David praises God for creating him; he is “fearfully and wonderfully made.” This is an incredible concept, but one that unfortunately gets used towards those in the LGBTQ community in a judgmental manner. When we come out, we are told that those feelings are sinful. To add insult to injury, those same people presumptuously tell us that we weren’t created to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, as if they knew exactly what God was thinking.

My earliest memory of “feeling different” came at the age of six or seven. My fundamental religious upbringing forbade me from saying anything about it. As I grew up, there were several incidents that occurred that were evidence of my transgender nature but there was a sense of shame attached and I repressed my feelings. When I was 26, I finally realized that I am a transgender woman. Though I knew the answer, I believed that there was something wrong with me and felt like a freak of nature. I believed God wouldn’t make me like that and I actually developed a sense of self-hatred. Eventually with time and incredible support and resources, my self-hatred went away.

While I don’t know why I have been created as transgender, I know that there is a reason behind it, just as David acknowledged in Psalm 139’s sixteenth verse:

“Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.”

Those of us in the LGBTQ community are all beautiful children of God, just like our straight allies. We add to the incredible diversity of creation. Never forget that.

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Violet Fenn, a United Methodist for 5 years, is a senior at Northeastern State University in Broken Arrow, OK majoring in English with a minor in Psychology. Violet became involved with RMN in April after attending a Call to Witness training. She is now part of leadership with MOSAIC as well as its TransJustice work group.

Fear

By Egeria

Today I shared a meal with two UMC preachers who are trying to navigate riptides of fear within their congregations. They had disagreed with each other about voting for the "All Means All" amendment, and they both disagree with me about what I see as a positive roll for Reconciling United Methodists advocating for full inclusion of LGBTQ persons. Both have welcomed gay and lesbian couples and baptized their children; both hear from members who fear this will lead to lots of gay couples joining (Read that as "too many.") Our meal was a first effort to discuss our visions of local churches and the global UMC in a small, friendly, but disagreeing group.

What came up repeatedly was the fear that some congregants feel toward people who are different: immigrants, ex-offenders, LGBT, students, poor people, people of other races, people wearing rainbow stoles. Some members might acknowledge that churches must care for such people but say "I can't talk to them" or "I won't feel at home here if there are too many of them."  These two pastors wanted to address the fears expressed by these members. At the same time, both pastors held a vision of the church as being for all people, with a message that is needed just as much by people who see themselves as the in crowd as by those who want to hear a clear welcome.

Now, this sort of fear can work in the other direction too. I have felt out of place in groups where everyone appeared to be considerably more prosperous than I am. I have been the only white woman at some black church services, where the other worshipers have been extremely gracious; but I have also heard from a black friend whom I first met in such a situation that she had felt suspicious toward me at first. At the RMN Convocation a non-Methodist gay activist asked his gay friends "What are all these straight people doing here?"

We have been told "Fear not." How do we do that?

Reconciling Tools: Prayer for Enemies

By Peter L. DeGroote

To you who are listening I say, love your enemies. If you love those who love you, what merit is there in that? After all, even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what merit is there is that? After all, even sinners do as much” (Gospel of Jesus 7:2-4)*

It is a bit troubling to discover that Jesus did not share the common view that God agrees with our opinion of others.  Instead, he invited us to pray about joining in God’s high expectations and hope for all humanity .

It remains a revolutionary idea. Our traditional social and political arrangements reflect tribal loyalties based on our instincts for self-preservation. They provide us with a safe “home base” to explore our world. Jesus called us to replace those tribal loyalties with a more universal loyalty that finds a “home base” in honoring and respecting (loving) all of God’s creation. (See Reconciliation and Love's Definition).  

Jesus’ call for this new loyalty offers a far more likely foundation for human self-preservation than the tribal loyalties we usually rely on. Unfortunately, both biblical tradition and history are full of examples that illustrate a broad unwillingness to respond to Jesus’ call. A few examples: Both Hebrew scripture and significant portions of the New Testament model hostility and even hatred toward enemies. When the church burned heretics it was identifying enemies while using fear to assure at least outward loyalty to its tribal ways. In 1961 Fidel Castro declared that continued loyalty to the Cuban revolution required an enemy. Contemporary political campaigns are often based on describing its opponents as enemies and targeting them with falsehoods and partial truths. Likewise, we can hear church leaders propagate an “us versus them” world view as a tool for creating loyalty to their group and personal leadership. Many LGBT people have experienced the negative consequences of that strategy.

The danger in being someone’s enemy is in returning the favor by accepting their enmity and labeling them as our own enemy. In a real world sense that dynamic is probably inescapable but the danger is in responding in kind. When that happens we give the enemy the power to define who we are and set the rules of our relationships. (More in a later posting.)

The instruction to pray for our enemies has often been understood as a prayer that somehow God would intervene in their values, world view, and behavior so that they would come to accept our perspectives and be more like us. The arrogance of that notion is the assumption that we have “the right way;” that we understand God’s views; or that we have the sole understanding of how creation is supposed to work—the implication being that all other views are wrong.

Over the years I have come to understand that praying for our enemies is less about them than it is about me. Jesus’ Prime Directive is to love or honor and respect all that God has created. To pray for an enemy is to seek insight and understanding sufficient to honor that person’s creation. (Perhaps meditation is a better contemporary word than prayer.)

Any increased insight or understanding does not compel me to agree with such a person, only that I come to understand.  Once understood, what do I do about it? Everyone will agree that it is a struggle. Likewise, we cannot focus only on understanding our enemy. We have biases, prejudices, and structures in our world view that have to be examined in relation to our own spiritual health and willingness to honor and respect others. Jesus’ teachings also include strategies to pursue those objectives.

Obviously, there is much more to live and talk out. This is not a solitary adventure. Your comments are welcome.

*The Gospel of Jesus. Robert W. Funk and the Jesus Seminar. Santa Rosa, CA, Polebridge Press, 1999.

Birds

By Egeria

Here is the way bird-watching usually works: Walk by thistles; pine siskins are eating the seeds. In tall grasses song sparrows jump up occasionally into view. On isolated trees bluebirds perch between their fly-catching flights. Pass into open woods; a flicker jumps from the ground into the trees. Where the undergrowth is dense, towhees hunt on the ground. Wander deeper into the woods; find chickadees in the spruce and juncos on the ground. Each type of bird has a neighborhood it prefers. When my husband and I walked in a meadow in the Rockies one morning we found a place where, because of a brook hidden by tall grass and bushes near woods, all kinds of birds paused in the same bush. We admired sleek pine skins and tiny chickadees, towhees, warblers, and brilliantly red-winged flickers without turning our heads. The scene recalled our weekend just past, when we had worshiped with Reconciling United Methodists of many races from all over the United States and a few visitors from Africa, South America and Philippines. The diversity of the congregation was not in our geographical origins, though, so much as in our sexual identities and ages. We were elderly and in our twenties, lesbian, straight, female, gay, transgendered, male… The gathering might have startled some of my Sunday School bridge group of comfortably heterosexual married couples. Given the generosity demonstrated by God's creation of birds, it does not seem surprising that human variations of every sort occur and, like the birds, gather, all seeking living water.

Open Hearts? Open Doors? Open Minds? Open Table?

By Justin White

Put away all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Be imitators of Christ’s love. Give yourself up to God’s love. Put away bitterness. Put away wrath. Put away slander. Take on kindness. Take on gentle heartedness. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.  Love. Love. Love.

These are the words that we hear in Ephesians 4:31-5:2. In the debate over radical inclusion of LGBT persons in the church, it seems that God’s love is sometimes absent. This absence of love can often times be seen on both sides of the issue. Those who oppose full inclusion use scripture for tactics of exclusion and casting out. Those who support full inclusion and affirm LGBTQ persons get mad, slander the  other side, hold grudges, etc.  Yes, there is hurt.  Yes, there is pain.  But this hurt and pain manifests itself on both sides of the issue. This hurt and pain is evident as we have seen screaming matches break out in some of our annual conferences. We have seen one side attack the other, and we have seen the other side attack right back.  There is fear, not love.  There is hurt, not wholeness.  There is brokenness, not unity. Even in my home conference in Mississippi, there are meetings still going on about the testimony of a lesbian couple that spoke in a worship service at annual conference.  That was two months ago! Yet the fear, the hurt, and the brokenness is deep.  It is very, very deep.  To overcome this brokenness, I feel that we as a United church need to come to the Lord’s table. All of us: LGBTQ persons, straight persons, persons of different ethnicities, persons who are liberal, persons who are conservative, persons who struggle with addictions, persons who are rich, persons who are poor. ALL PERSONS.  We need to come and partake in the broken body of our Lord and we need to love each other in spite of our differences. 

The hard thing is, I don’t want to come to the table with those who are reacting out of their own fears and insecurities as they approach the issue of inclusion.  I don’t want to come to the table with those who compare homosexuality with devil worship.  I do not want to come to the table with those who seek to cast out “the other” from our church.  However, it is because I do not want to come to the table with these persons, that I must.  We are called to put away bitterness.  We are called to put away wrath.  We are called to imitate God’s love and live as Christ lived and love as Christ loved. Yes, we are called to be prophetic; however, we have to be prophetic in love, and I fear that I am often times prophetic in a self righteous, liberal way. That is not reconciliation. What I fear though, is that the table is not always open for those who are LGBTQ.  It is a conundrum.  How can we have an open table?  If the table is not a United Methodist table, or a politically charged table, but the Lord’s table, an open table for all, then there should be room at the table for us all.

In my mind, I envision an open table that resembles the table that we see in Rent, the musical, as they sing about Bohemia.  It is a radically open table, and it is beautiful.  No, they are not perfect, but they are all there in spite of their imperfections. I really believe that if we all would extend grace to each other and approach the table with love, grace, compassion, and mercy, the United Methodist Church would be transformed by the Triune God’s grace.  My prayer is that we as United Methodists would listen to each other, love each other, imitate Christ, come to the table together, and allow ourselves to be transformed into a people who truly love as Christ loved and live as Christ lived. It will not be easy, but perhaps it will be beautiful and perhaps we will all find ourselves in communion at the Table of our Lord. 

Pouncing Pessimism by Pondering Pathfinding

By Leland Spencer

At the end of June, I moved from Cincinnati, OH, to Athens, GA, to begin work on a PhD. As those who know me well would expect, my first few days in the new place were fraught with confusion any time I had to leave home and go somewhere. I found myself getting lost over and over again. Finally, I decided to do something I should have done long ago: buy a GPS unit. This little device has improved my quality of life significantly.

Even with the GPS, I'm not perfect, but I have discovered that the GPS is very patient with me. In fact, if I miss a turn (e.g., when it tells me to turn left but I'm in the right lane and can't get over in time), the GPS is never judgmental. Instead, it simply recalculates a new route based on my current position. Let me say that a different way: If I don't go the direction I should the first time, my GPS gives me another chance to get it right. It doesn't tell me I'm going the wrong way, but it does tell me how to go the right way.

I think the Reconciling movement is called to the same kind of work in the life of the church. Our goal is to point the church in the right direction on issues related to inclusiveness and respect for human dignity and diversity. Too often on this blog and elsewhere, I find myself pointing out that the church is going the wrong direction instead of offering a more uplifting word of encouragement about what the right direction is. After all, there is much to celebrate about the ministry of the United Methodist Church around this planet.

I want to share a few ways in which the United Methodist Church is going in the right direction. Every week, in at least a few United Methodist Churches around the world:

    * visitors are welcomed,
    * teams travel to prisons to share their faith,
    * community meals are shared,
    * people encounter and embrace the message that God loves and forgives them,
    * children and adults learn new Bible stories,
    * pastors invite all who are present to partake at an open table,
    * money is raised for mission work,
    * and ________________ (fill in the blank with something happening near you!).

The list could go on and on, but my point is that in many ways, United Methodist Churches get it right. In so many ways, we are going the right direction. I hope this movement will continue to invite the church to turn toward full inclusion so that everyone has a chance to be a part of all the things the church does well.

Dialoging Difference with Deference

By Leland Spencer

One of my favorite writings of John Wesley is his sermon on the catholic spirit. Catholic, in this sense, does not refer to the Roman Catholic Church. John Wesley’s catholic is spelled with a lower-case c, and means “universal.” In the sermon, Wesley addresses diversity of opinion in the life of the church. He concludes that persons of faith do not have to agree on everything in order to exist effectively in Christian community. He asks, “Though we cannot think alike, may we not love alike?” Though we cannot think alike, may we not love alike?

I love being a United Methodist for many reasons. Among them is the emphasis we place on open dialogue about important issues in our world. I contend that our faith should not only inform, but truly, shape, our politics. This is easier said than done. We need to resist the temptation to assume that we have the right answers all the time.

I was involved once in a discussion about peace and war. One person in the discussion quoted a theologian who wrote widely about pacifism. The facilitator asked the person how other persons of faith could read the same Bible and come to different conclusions about peace and war. To my horror, the person responded: “Well, a lot of people are wrong.”

My friends, difference of opinion does not mean one group is wrong and one group is right. Difference of opinion means that different people, through their reading the Bible, their understanding of the faith tradition, their personal experience with God, and their reasoning have come to different conclusions. While our denomination does publish social principles, our social principles are not church law; instead, they call all Christians to prayerful, studied dialogue of faith and practice.

One of my favorite metaphors for explaining this phenomenon is the road sign that indicates a deer crossing. The deer crossing sign alerts us as we drive to be aware that something unusual might be crossing the path soon. Is anyone really good at spotting deer near the side of the road? I never seem to notice them, but we really do need to be ready to respond if one is in the middle of the road. Perhaps we could learn from deer. Maybe the deer is not just some stupid animal in the middle of the road. Too often because the deer is something outside the ordinary, beyond the routine, we are impelled to be frustrated or wish it would go away. What if, instead of hitting it, or beeping at it, or swearing at it as it stares at our headlights, we just sat to watch it for a moment?

Could I learn from the deer a sense of boldness? Surely the deer is braver than I am; I wouldn’t stand in the middle of the road. Could I learn from the deer a sense of calmness? The deer is not in a hurry or a rush. Is it possible that the deer can teach me something, even though it is so different from me? Think about it. The deer and I do not speak the same language. We do not look alike at all. We probably have a different sense of what appropriate family values are. We don’t like the same foods. We are different in so many ways, yet here we are, on the road together—each crossing the other’s path—and maybe I can learn from the deer.

Friends, other people are the same way. Sometimes those who are the most different from us are the ones who can teach us the most. If we are honestly open to dialogue, to listen closely, to withhold judgment, to think about our faith and life, I do believe we can teach others and learn from others. If we set aside our insistence on total agreement in the nonessentials, we can go new places in our lives of faith and our relationship with God in Christ through the Holy Spirit.

Because Christ has died, Christ is risen, and Christ will come again, we can be united wholeheartedly in love and purpose with our sisters and brothers in Christ across ideological boundaries. Because of the creative power of God, the redeeming love of Christ, and the sanctifying activity of the Holy Spirit, we may love alike even when we cannot think alike.

A Woodcutter's Lesson

by Peter L. DeGroote

The primary focus of Jesus’ teachings was reconciliation. Reconciliation requires that we treat everyone as worthy. The following story is a poignant illustration. (See credit line below.)

From storyteller Lee Pennington: There was an old woodcutter named Jim. Everyone in their small town knew Jim. He was the ugliest fellow in town. There were those who avoided Jim solely because of his appearance. But Lee considered Jim a friend. Jim had taken young Lee under his wing and taught him how to find and cut the best wood in the forest.

One day Jim challenged Lee to go out into the forest and find two leaves from different types of trees that were the exact same shade of green. "Gather as many leaves as you can," Jim said. "If you can find any two from different trees that are the exact same shade of green, then I'll pay you $10.00."

Ten dollars was a fortune to a young boy back then, so Lee set about his task with vigor. He collected as many different leaves as he could find. But when he laid all the leaves before Jim, Lee realized that none of them were a perfect match. As he pondered the unique nature of each leaf, Lee understood that the same lesson could be applied to human beings too. At a young age, he learned to see the unique quality of every person he met.

This story came to me in a sermon emailed by a friend. I’m not sure how he came about it but I believe the acknowledgement goes to Jack Maguire, "The Power of Personal Storytelling," NY: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam, 1998, p. 63-64.