Reconciling Ministries Network

We Are What We Are

by Violet Fenn

Earlier this month, I learned that I have been accepted to Phillips Theological Seminary for the fall semester. I am very excited and a little nervous as the next chapter of my life begins. A few days after I got the wonderful news, I had a phone conversation with my brother. Since my gender transition began a little over two years ago, my family has made leaps and bounds in coming to terms with my journey. After talking to my brother, I was reminded that there is still more room for acceptance. When I told him that I had been accepted to seminary, he responded that he was surprised. When I asked why, he said, “because of what you are.”I didn’t have a response to this as I was taken aback. In retrospect, I could have told him, “I am what I am.” This has been response that I’ve used in the past when others have taken leave of their manners by asking inappropriate questions about my transition.

This response I borrow from a wonderful Broadway musical, “La Cage Aux Folles, which is playing on Broadway currently in its second revival. It’s the story of a gay couple, Georges and Albin, who own a nightclub where Albin is the headliner. He performs in drag as Za Za. Georges and Albin learn that their son, Jean-Michel is getting married to the daughter of a right-wing politician who has an agenda to close all the drag clubs in town. Jean-Michel’s fiancé and parents are coming for dinner and Georges realizes that Albin can’t be at dinner because the parents assume that Jean-Michel’s parents are a heterosexual couple. When Albin learns this, his feelings are hurt and in a show-stopping end to the musical’s first act, he sings the song “I Am What I Am.” In it, Albin sings that he can’t be anything other than what he is, a gay man. No one else has to like it, but he must be himself.

Whether a person is straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer, we can best be an example for God by being exactly how we were created. Anything less is denying ourselves and others the joy and peace that God wants all of us to experience. Anything less also denies us the opportunity to show that we are all children of God, loved by God, and accepted by God. Being ourselves is one powerful way to educate others and show them that the Church would be is a weaker body without the diversity that is so essential to its well-being. By being ourselves we invite others, as Albin sings, “to see things from a different angle.” If we do this, we make a big step towards diversity and acceptance in the Church.

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Violet Fenn is currently a United Methodist in exile due to a lack of reconciling congregations in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where she lives and is attending a UCC church. She began her gender transition in 2008 and has been active working against bigotry and intolerance for many years. She is active in MOSAIC and the leader of its TransJustice working group. This fall, she is beginning the next chapter of her journey by attending Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa for a Master's in Divinity. Despite the bigotry and transphobia she has experienced at the hands of a UMC congregation, she believes that the Methodist Church will become open and affirming of everyone in the LGBTQ community.

Remembering Who We Are

by Leland Spencer IV

Last week in my Sunday School class, someone had the idea that we go around the circle and tell about what our faith backgrounds were before ending up as regulars in this Sunday School class at a United Methodist Church. In a class of about 20, I was somewhat surprised to learn that only three of us were "Cradle" United Methodists (if you count predecessor denominations).

I suspect the conversation meant different things to different people in the room. I was surprised to learn about the diversity of backgrounds we had. There were people there who grew up Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Episcopalian, Nondenominational, Presbyterian, Jewish, Christian Church (DOC), or without a faith connection. Some people still identified with the denomination they had grown up in (and were just attending a UMC) while others now identified as UM and others preferred not to identify with a particular denomination.

I appreciated the conversation because it gave me a chance to revisit many of the reasons I remain United Methodist. Sometimes, in this movement, we (understandably) become so focused on what needs to change in the church and on the ways the church has hurt us that we can risk losing sight of why we stick around to work for change. We all know there are more open denominations, but for various reasons, we remain in this one.

When it was my turn to share, I talked about the congregation where I was baptized, and I recited some of the vows they took that day. I expressed my gratefulness that people took those vows seriously and were there to nurture me in my faith. I talked about the day I joined the church and the vows I made. I said that I hoped I was still living out those vows faithfully. I talked about the moment when I experienced a call to ministry in the United Methodist Church, and my difficult decision to withdraw from that process when I discovered I did not believe I could live that call out authentically. I concluded that though I might love the UMC more than it loves me, I am still--at the center of who I am--United Methodist.

I invite you to think for a moment about who you are and why you remain. Share your thoughts in the comment thread.

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Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of speech communication at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons.

On Asking & Telling

by Leland Spencer

I have to confess that I'm conflicted about the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Of course, as a feminist and a reconciling United Methodist, I support the right of any person to have any job without regard to her or his sexual orientation (or, for that matter, sex, gender, gender identity, or gender expression); however, something about supporting any effort that increases the number of people in the military doesn't sit right with me. If DADT is repealed, queer folks will have the same rights to get shot or have their bodies blown to bits as anyone else. Is that really the kind of equality we're working for in this movement? I'm not trying to be flippant; my concern is serious. If an underlying theme of this movement's work is human dignity and the sacred worth of each person, is that compatible with increased militarism?

Not having sorted entirely through this paradox, its very existence brings me to another: The UMC also has a DADT policy, but we describe it with bigger words and no contractions. And, clearly, I support the repeal of the church's version of DADT. Therefore, a fair question based on my concern in the first paragraph is whether adding out, practicing queer people into the current structure of the church actually does anything for human dignity. My initial answer is yes, and that the church and the military are different. I am privileged to have had moments in my life where I've seen the church at its best, so I know the church can be a source of hope in connecting people with the resource of faith, and indeed, in resisting evil, injustice, and oppression in whatever forms they present themselves.

So, I conclude that I support the repeal of both DADT policies, though I am substantially more ambivalent about the first than the second.

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Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of speech communication at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons.

Wonderfully Made

by Violet Fenn

On May 19, I took a major step in my gender transition when I had out-patient surgery that takes me closer to completion. As I think about this, I am reminded of a portion of Psalm 139. In this part, David praises God for creating him; he is “fearfully and wonderfully made.” This is an incredible concept, but one that unfortunately gets used towards those in the LGBTQ community in a judgmental manner. When we come out, we are told that those feelings are sinful. To add insult to injury, those same people presumptuously tell us that we weren’t created to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, as if they knew exactly what God was thinking.

My earliest memory of “feeling different” came at the age of six or seven. My fundamental religious upbringing forbade me from saying anything about it. As I grew up, there were several incidents that occurred that were evidence of my transgender nature but there was a sense of shame attached and I repressed my feelings. When I was 26, I finally realized that I am a transgender woman. Though I knew the answer, I believed that there was something wrong with me and felt like a freak of nature. I believed God wouldn’t make me like that and I actually developed a sense of self-hatred. Eventually with time and incredible support and resources, my self-hatred went away.

While I don’t know why I have been created as transgender, I know that there is a reason behind it, just as David acknowledged in Psalm 139’s sixteenth verse:

“Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.”

Those of us in the LGBTQ community are all beautiful children of God, just like our straight allies. We add to the incredible diversity of creation. Never forget that.

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Violet Fenn, a United Methodist for 5 years, is a senior at Northeastern State University in Broken Arrow, OK majoring in English with a minor in Psychology. Violet became involved with RMN in April after attending a Call to Witness training. She is now part of leadership with MOSAIC as well as its TransJustice work group.

Christian, Gay, and Feminist

by Leland Spencer

Recently, The Institute for Women's Studies at the University of Georgia hosted a research symposium with the theme, "Feminist Research Across the Disciplines." I had the opportunity to present a narrative account of my own intersection of identities. Because the essay addresses a number of questions and topics relevant to this blog, I wanted to share an excerpt from it for interested readers. Click here to read the complete essay.

I gave a similarly-themed paper at another conference a few months ago, and in each case, I was thrilled with the great and thoughtful comments and questions from audience members. I am convinced that people are eager to hear affirming words about how it's possible to co-exist at these ostensibly paradoxical levels of identity, and that is part of what makes me so excited to be a part of this movement.

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Christian, Gay, and Feminist: A Feminist Research Axiology Across Identities

Welcome to my story. My hope is that by the end of this essay, you will have an understanding for who I am and what I value as a scholar. My inspiration for this essay is three-pronged. The first two prongs are panels from the thirty-first meeting of the Organization for the Study of Communication, Language, and Gender in Nashville, Tennessee. One panel focused on narratives; the panelists functioned as small group conveners and shared their own narratives and then invited everyone else to begin crafting a narrative (Defenbaugh, Tigerlily, O’Neill, & MacDonald, 2008). The themes and dynamics of my own narrative resonated within me throughout the conference, and then I found myself at another panel, the Vice President’s panel on feminist paradoxes (Kirby, 2008). Again arranged in small groups, we talked about how we navigate those moments in our lives when our feminist consciousnesses clash with other important values. In my small group, most of the participants identified religion or spirituality as their paradox. The question was asked by different voices using different words, but at its base, the issue was this: are faith and feminism compatible?

As I traveled home from the conference, these two influential panels merged in my mind, and the thought of their combined influence would not let me go. Somewhere at the overlap of knowing that narratives are powerful and thinking about the feminist paradoxes in my life, I knew I had a story to offer, a story that explains who I am, what I value, and why I do the work I do as a communication scholar. The two panels are the main reasons why I write this narrative; the third reason I want to tell my story is the very existence of the paradox. I am a Christian. I am a gay man. I am a feminist. So often in my life, I find that people are surprised by that combination. It seems unlikely—even impossible—that someone could identify with all three of those statements, and yet my life and my research is (I hope) a living embodiment of all three. I do not see my sexuality, spirituality, and feminism as contradictions of each other. Alternatively, I see them as mutual fulfillments of one another.

My thesis is that I can simultaneously affirm my identities as a Christian, a gay man, and a feminist because each of those parts of my identity is fundamentally emancipatory. My axiology is one that affirms human dignity as a central value. In my personal life and my professional work as a communication scholar, I believe in advancing human dignity and disrupting oppression. Those values are central to my life, and they are located at the nexus of my ostensibly paradoxical Christian, gay, and feminist identities. In the paragraphs that follow, I share my narrative and thus explain my axiology, dismantling each apparent paradox along the way.

Christianity and feminism

I begin with Christianity and feminism because the perceived incompatibility of these two central parts of my identity haunted several people in the small group of which I was a part at the conference. One scholar talked about the conservative church where she grew up; she remembered hearing feminism condemned. Another scholar said she often felt a contradiction between her faith as a Roman Catholic and her views as a feminist. She was unsure how to reconcile those parts of her being.

I appreciated the openness and honesty of my feminist colleagues around that circle, and I was grateful to be a part of a faith tradition that affirms both the primacy of scripture and the equality of women and men as an intention of creation. I first figured out I was a feminist because of my faith. I was at a church retreat, and I met a wonderfully gifted pastor. I was amazed by this pastor’s knowledge and ability to relate scripture to people’s lives in such personal and relevant ways. This pastor was unlike any I had met before. I was profoundly hurt when I learned that she had faced discrimination; that some congregations were unreceptive of her simply because of her gender. I felt the unfairness of it in the depths of my soul. It hurt me that this profoundly gifted pastor faced challenges that her colleagues who were men would never have to face. Though I may not have known the word feminism, I became a feminist that day because I acknowledged male privilege, identified a source and consequence of sexism, and began looking for ways to disrupt patriarchal oppression. Read more..

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Leland G. Spencer IV, a lifelong United Methodist, is a PhD student in the department of speech communication at the University of Georgia, where he researches religious rhetoric as it intersects with gender and sexuality. Leland holds an M.A. in Communication from the University of Cincinnati (2009). While in Cincinnati, Leland served as the worship intern at the Wesley Foundation. Leland served as a part-time local pastor at Mapleton United Methodist Church in the East Ohio Conference from 2005 until 2007 when Leland withdrew from the candidacy process because of the United Methodist Church's exclusive position about the ordination of LGBT persons.

Can The Church Repeal Its Own DADT Policies?

by Rev. Gilbert Caldwell

President Obama in his State of the Union address, expressed his commitment to repeal the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy of the military that prohibits Gay Americans from being open about their sexual orientation as they serve in the military. His open declaration of "working with Congress and the military..." to repeal "DADT" prompted these thoughts:

1. I remembered, as I have done before, my relatives who in their efforts to avoid the legally enforced stigma of being black, "passed" as being white. The attitude of a society that limited the rights of persons because of their racial history caused indescribable trauma among those who were "passing" and family and friends who were expected to be silent accomplices to their deception. As the military begins its process of ceasing to exit persons because of their sexual orientation, will the UMC be led to do the same? Why does the Church keep denying persons when it says denying persons is wrong?
2. I thought of comic strip character Popeye, who said of himself; "I am what I am, and that's all that I am." How foolish that our society and our military would impose a Popeye-like limitation on military personnel who are Gay by suggesting, "That's all that they are and no more". Popeye may have self-limited himself, but how could a society, a military or a Church, deny themselves the opportunity of being enriched by the multiplicity of gifts of persons, by excluding and/or limiting them because of their sexual orientation?
3. And, I dare to remember those words in Exodus 3: 14, 'I AM THAT I AM", words ascribed to a God who provides a definition of Self, that is beyond debate.

The section of the State of the Union address that launched the official challenge of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" by President Obama brought forth a memory of racial history, a remembering of a comic strip that brought joy to many of us, and a continuing awareness of a God who must weep and sometimes laugh, in response to our human foolishness.

Many Congresspersons and others applauded enthusiastically when the President expressed his intentions. Many, many United Methodists are ready to applaud with enthusiasm when our denomination rids itself of our "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Book of Discipline language. What new voices will join the voices of those of us who year-after-year have said with our words and our actions; "It is time for the United Methodist Church to stop 'passing' as being OPEN, when it is not?"

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The Rev. Gilbert H. Caldwell is a retired United Methodist Minister who lives in Asbury Park, N.J. He was active in the Massachusetts unit of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) and participated in the civil-rights movement throughout the nation. In 2000, he, with others, organized the RMN Extension ministry United Methodists of Color for a Fully Inclusive Church (UMOC), an organization committed to the full inclusion of LGBT people in every aspect of church and society. His recent book, Something Within: Works by Rev. Gilbert H. Caldwell is available from Church Within A Church.

A Month of Sundays

By Rev. David Weekley

It has only been a month of Sundays since I attended Reconciling Ministries' Convocation,"Justice and Joy". It was an inspirational and literal mountain-top experience. I am thankful to every person who made this event possible. Just to be there, in community, was more than enough. To be honored by receiving the "Voice in the Wilderness" award for telling my story as a transgender clergy was an incredible honor. Returning home from this peak experience has been something like a rollercoaster.

A most vivid memory of mine is an amusement park rollercoaster. It was the corkscrew variety and climbed very high before the first steep drop. Strapped into my seat with a padded harness, I could barely move, but I could distinctly hear the 'click', 'click' of the drive-system moving us closer and closer to the pinnacle. Although I knew it was impossible I did utter a prayer to be removed from that ride. Then we were over the top and on our way. I closed my eyes a lot, and held on; there was nothing else to do. I admit, there have been moments, whole days in fact, when life felt exactly like those initial moments on that rollercoast. Like the rollercoaster ride, there was no getting off once I got on. These last four weeks have carried me, my family, and my community into a new space. This part of the journey is just beginning.

Like the rollercoaster, after the initial terror, sharing my story has been and remains an amazing experience. It is still so new I can barely express myself yet in words. But there is one wonderful result so far in this new part of the story. Over this month of Sundays, from the morning I first shared my transgender identity with my congregation I have received emails, letters, cards and other affirmations, prayer-support, and encouragement from all over the United States, and world. Most inspiring and joyful for me are the number of persons contacting me sharing their stories and sharing hope. In one situation a mother who watched the CBS interview wrote to tell me she was stuggling with her young-adult child's transition, but had found new understanding and resources from the interview. Hours later I received an email from that adult child, telling me their mother had changed her attitude and had some fears dispelled from that brief segment. To date I have received more than three hundred emails and cards. I have been able to refer many people to resources in their communities. These contacts displace any rollercoaster fears with deep gratitude and joy. All of these blessings, and it has only been a month of Sundays!   

An "Open" Letter to an African American Congresswoman, now dead, whom some thought was Lesbian

Dear ____________________,

 
You mesmerized the nation with your distinguished and significant service as a member of Congress. The precision of your articulation, the courage you exhibited to "swim against the stream" and your many accomplishments, caused friend and foe to give tribute to you. One of the newspapers that carried your obituary spoke of your 30 year relationship with your female partner/companion. Yet, one of your biographers has suggested that there is no conclusive evidence that you were same gender loving.
 
Sunday, October 11 in Washington, DC, "National Coming Out Day" will be celebrated by many LGBT persons, same gender couples and their allies. I have wondered if you were still alive, and in Washington as a Congressperson, whether you would join the celebration?
 
I marvel at so many of my many friends in church and society who for many reasons have chosen to "pass" as heterosexual. The outer and inner pressures upon them, I know, are more enormous than I could imagine. I use the term "pass", because you Congresswoman _______as an African American know that this is the common term used to describe black persons who because of their physical characteristics are able to blend in with the white population. There are persons in my famiy who have done this and I must admit their doing this caused some stress and strain in our relationships. While I, during the Civil Rights Movement was a "foot soldier" involved in protests, marches and getting arrested in the cause of racial justice, they had some reservations about identifying with me because of their fear of being "outed", racially. My physical appearance and my activism, made them uncomfortable whenever I was with them. Their fear was that one of their white friends would look at me with them, and then add 2 and 2 to make 4.
 
Congresswoman ______________, I wish that you had been able to "come out" openly when you were alive. The City Council in Washington is on the verge of enacting legislation that makes possible same sex marriage, yet, there is opposition from some African American clergy and others. You during your life, transcended all of the negative stereotypes that many persons in society as well as the church use to demean LGBT persons and same gender couples. If you had been able to be open about your sexual identity, some of the fear tactics that are being used today that are unworthy of those who claim Christ as Lord, Liberator and Savior, would be revealed as what they are; "full of sound and fury signifiying nothing".
 
My prayer is that the National Coming Out Day event, will find a way to acknowledge persons now dead, who during their lifetimes could not express openly, the totality of who they were. Those who gather in Washington, will for many of us be giving a posthumous tribute to you Congresswoman __________. You were a source of profound inspiration to me and so many.
 
Gil Caldwell

I Am Fully Me At Last!

Rev. Ray Hinton

This is a portion of a letter I sent to a number of pastors, many of whom I have known 40 years. It is my coming out to them. I enclosed my Stand Tall Gay Man poem.

June 5, 2009

Background Information

At age 27 I was hospitalized in a psyche ward twice  – a month each

– followed by nearly 30 years of clinical depression. Now age 71.

In the past you have been there for me. Thank you. Now - as Paul Harvey would say, ‘I want you to know the rest of the story. I am a gay man. I could not tell you then!

Last night I hosted a Gay – Lesbian Social in my home. A few years ago a professional said, “This group is my safe place.”

Should anyone need a safe place, especially in the church?

What is the church?

I will not be attending Annual Conference. While I am not ashamed of who I am or what I have done, I am a bit tender. I struggled to understand who I am since youth. My gay nature was like a dog nipping at my heels until I reached down and petted it.

As you vote at Annual Conference, please be prayerfully aware of others like myself  (clergy and lay) who are still struggling within with their sexuality –extremely fearful of being found out. We are many in the UMC. An elder-care lawyer said, “Why is it most Methodist Ministers are gay?”

Having visited more than once in almost every home in every parish I served, I honestly believe the focus at Conference is merely a spot fire of the real issue facing our denomination. The anger present in our churches is often rooted in unhealed physical – emotional and spiritual pain especially when individuals (gay and non-gay) do not find here a HEALING PRESENCE.

Agape – unconditional love / acceptance does not imply approval. (This concept is vital to the understanding of acceptance!)

Health and empowering individuals to be all who God knows we already are is my continued focus.  As individuals are empowered the church likewise is empowered –in that order.

I can live with truth – not a lie. I am fully me at last!

Faithfully,

Rev. Raymond Hinton

Stand Tall Gay Men
Gay Pride It Be
> My Birthing  <

Stand Tall Gay Men
Very Tall
Proud Of Who We Be
Dubbed   Gay Pride
Healthily Proud

Prejudicial Persecution
Out Of Sight  =  Out Of Mind
Ashamed Of We  -  They Be
Grossly Misunderstood
Religious Bias
Disowned
Funerals Held
Vindictive Homophobic’s Vent Rage
In The Name Of Righteousness
Matthew Shepherd
(Remember Them In Your Heart}
Need I Say More
Need I say More

Shatters Our Worlds
My World
My Well Being Questioned
Hopes ‘n Dreams
Emasculated
Angry
Clinically Depressed
Frozen Rage It Be
Zilch Creativity
Frozen Mind
Near Non-Reader Me
Dumbest On Earth  -   Felt Me
Guilty To Even Be
Hopelessly Helpless
Felt Alone
Abandoned

Feared Rejection
Ridicule
Persecution
Grew Distant
Hardened Heart
Coldest Fish On Earth
Hid
Unconscious Insulation  -  It Be
Lived A Lie Did I
Closeted Its Called
Painfully Demoralized
A Coward
Ashamed of Me
Frantically Ran   --  From Me
Everything To Live For
(‘N Still Do)
But
It Didn’t Cut Mustard
Nor Happiness Bring
Prayed Nightly To Die
Twice Tried It

Disillusioned
Hope Gone
My Knight In Shining Armor Was Not
No Liberator  -   Out There
Would Never Be
Gut Wrenching
Hurting Deeply Within
Through Tear Stained Eyes
Dawned A Glimmer of Hope
A Refreshing Insight
Sparkling Clear Like Water
Life Emerges From Within
My Own Knight  -  Must I Be
My Cry Was Answered
The Miracle Could Yet Happen
Morning Light Follows Darkness of Night

Gay Pride’s The Answer
Potential Life It Brings
Claim    Who I Be
A Gay Man
Life Today   Could Yet Be
Depending On Me
Yes
Only Me
Life  ==   The Guts To Be


Simple Secret  --  Yet Profound
Believe In Myself
All Of Who I Am
A Gay Man ‘N A Man Of Faith
Stand Tall ‘n Claim My Worth
Right To Be
Much GOODNESS Within
Dubbed  >> ‘The God In Me’
Known By Many Names
Author of Life
Higher Power
> The Name You Cherish <
My Highest / Divine Self
Ah Ha
Yes
Empowering God Within
Encouraging Me To Be
Yes
Pride
Gay Pride
Stand Tall ‘n Be

Life
Permission To Be
Germinated From The Tiniest Seed
Slowly  - Slowly    –     Slowly Grew
Did I Mention Painfully Slow
Not Patient  -  Me?
Caged
Grew Angry
Struggled Through Rocky Resistant Soil
Stretched Upward Seeking Light  ‘n Fresh Air
Became Healthier ‘n Stronger
Gay Pride   -  Was The Life-Giving’ Seed
New Life There Be

Head Erect
Shoulders Back
Standing Tall
Empowered To Be    The Man I Am
Always Meant To Be
A Winner
Whole At Last
Bingo
Made It!
I Am Who I Am
Unashamedly   -   A Man Of Faith
‘N Gay To The Core
Not What I Do
Who I Am
Me

Incredible
Age Seventy  -  My Search’s Ended
Truth Discovered
Everything’s Within
Patiently Waiting On Me
Amazing It Be
Strength, Courage, Resiliency
Source of Happiness ‘n Friendships Too
My Own Liberating Agent  -  Energized Within
Gay Pride Turns The Key
Pride
Yes
Gay Pride Turns The Key

Indoctrinated
Ingrained Strongly Within
Pride’s Sinful
Homosexuality Too
Progress  -  Status Changed
Mental Illness It Became
Enlightenment ?
Helpful?
An Alternate Life Style
Healthy View
Quickly Reverted
Sin Again

Gay Meant Happy   -  Joyful –   Cheerful
Still Does
The Rainbow’s Our Symbol
Beautiful It Be
Colorful Rainbows Transform Storms
Beautiful Gay Be

Gray Is Gorgeous
Amazing Gray Matter A Gift To Me
Essential
Essential
Did I Say Essential
Think – Think – Think Some More
Our Ace In The Hole
Use It or Lose It
Well Endowed Are We
Understanding Empowers
Initiates Chain Reactions
Gives Courage To Risk
Sets Captives Free
Is There Life Without Risk?
What?  -  Tell Me!
Stand Tall Gay Men
Cherish ‘n Be

My Heart Aches
For Men Everywhere
Who Search A Lifetime For Happiness
Minds Fraught
Hearts Aching
Unrealized Hopes ‘n Dreams
Empty, Aching, Longing, Terrified , Angry
Gay – Bisexual – Transgender
Encompassing All Ages ‘n Races
Men of Worth  -  Each Unique
Definitely   –    Definitely  Men
Caught In The Hangman’s Noose
Geographical, Cultural ‘n Religious
Marital Situation, Family ‘n Friends
Fearing Aids
Quality Men of Value ‘n Worth
Each Wonderfully Unique
Struggling To Be

Caring Healing Presence
Pilot Me
Increase My Faith In Others
More Sensitive
My Heart More Caring
More Appreciative Be
Respecting Other’s Intelligence
Each Capable   -  Wise Choices Make
Open My Eyes To See As You See
Good In Others
Strengths ‘n Contributions
Kind Loving Hearts
Tenderness  ‘n Compassion
Wisdom ‘n Creativity
Your Own Child
Your Presence In Each
Dear To You

Gentle Shepherd
May I Slow Down ‘n Recall
My Own Rocky Path
May I Never Forget
Those Who Were There For Me
Lest I Forget ‘n Judge
Offering Un-requested Advice
May I Respect Others’ Intelligence
‘N Fix Not What May Not Be Broken
But Trust My Bothers
‘N You  O Tender One
For What You Alone Do Best

God Of Our Forefathers
Healthy Encouraging Affirming Parent
May I Never Forget Those who Paved Freedoms’ Way
Gay   ‘n    Straight
Sacrifices Made  ---  Their Sweat, Blood And Tears
The For-runners Of Life For Me Today
Spiritual Giants
Gay ‘n  Straight
Their Sacrifices Made  ---  Sweat, Blood ‘n Tears
Martin Luther
Mahatma Gandhi
Martin Luther King
‘N Those Who Led Me To My Heart
St Francis Of Assisi
Henry J. No-win
‘ N Men Who Died Standing Tall
Proud To Be Gay
May I Also Be

Sensitizer
May I Harden Not My Heart
For Our Persecutors
Angry Homophobic’s  -  Hurting Too Are They
Similar To We
Inward War Zones  -  Vent Their Hurt On We
Un-healed Pain   -  Often Rooted Elsewhere
Just Angry They Be
Often Self-Hate  -  Denial Of Who They Be
Transgender  -  Bi-Sexual  -  Gay
Simply Mirrors Are We
Reflections Of Who They Be  -  Often Unknowingly
Fearful
Ashamed Of Inner Struggle
Hurting – Hurting - Hurting
Vent Anger On We
Merely Dumping Grounds   Are We

Solace Within
Thank You For You
May I Be More Understanding ‘n Forgiving
Those I Hurt Along The Way  -  Family ‘n Friends
Struggling With My Growth ‘n Moods
Like A Seedling Breaking Ground
Necessary For Me To Be
Their Well-being Also Questioned
Images Of Me  -  Shattered
They Too Throbbing Within
Thank You O Gentle One
Your Presence  -   I n Them Also Be
A Solace Within

Thank You
Transforming Empowering One
It’s In The Head
It’s In The Heart
At The Top Of The Mountain I Be
Glimpsing The Promised Land
The Journey Has Not Ended
It Has Only Begun
My Birthing It Be
The Future’s Unknown
No Promises  Nor Easy Sledding
Nor Guarantees Given
A Bit Scary It Be

Guiding Spirit
Whatever Comes
Whatever May Be
May I Always Pause To Remember
The Long Line Of Splendor
Of Those Who Paved The Way
‘N Also Courageously
Stand Tall ‘N Be
Me.   

Ray Hinton,
UMC Clergy
February 2008

Reasons I Went Ex-Gay

I spent years and years trying to de-gay myself through ex-gay ministries and gay reparative therapy. I finally came to my senses and accepted myself as gay. In this video I look at the several reasons why I tried to straighten myself out. 

Peterson's blog is located at http://petersontoscano.wordpress.com/