Reconciling Ministries Network

The Not So Impossible Dream

by Violet Fenn

With the recent amazing developments from several Annual Conferences, including resolutions passed to eliminate the “incompatible with Christian teaching” section from the Book of Discipline, and the church trial of Rev. Amy DeLong, I have been pondering about my future in the United Methodist Church. I am a transgender woman and currently identify as a lesbian. Right now, the latter would automatically prevent me from ordination. Despite this, I am currently in seminary and plan on beginning the process to pursue ordination.

Why am I doing this? One of the reasons is that I’m a dreamer. I dream of the day that the United Methodist Church will be fully inclusive of everyone and anyone called to the ministry will be able to be ordained.

I’m a lover of Broadway musicals. One song that I’ve kept coming back to is “The Impossible Dream” from the musical Man of La Mancha. The lead character, Don Quixote is a dreamer. Unfortunately, his dreams are in some ways unrealistic and delusional. In fact, he believes his romantic interest, Aldonza, is a lady of nobility when in reality she’s a prostitute. Despite all of the evidence to the contrary, Don Quixote refuses to believe her. At one point in the musical, Aldonza asks him why he goes around doing good deeds and believes her to be something she isn’t. He replies by singing “The Impossible Dream.” His quest is to “fight the unbeatable foe,” “right the unrightable wrong,” and “run where the brave dare not go.” His optimism is admirable, but sadly it’s an unrealistic pursuit.

I wouldn’t go so far as to call the naysayers foes, but of course there are Methodists against full inclusion and I would venture to say that many view our work as impossible as Don Quixote’s quest. It’s not an impossible task. Evidence of this comes from the resolutions passed by several Annual Conferences as well as statements from clergy pledging to perform same-sex unions. We are closer than ever before and we can’t stop now.

This is why I am attending Sing A New Song in August. I can sense change in the air and it’s given me another boost to keep pursuing the dream we all have. The dream is fantastic and closer to coming true. To quote from another musical, The Sound of Music, we should “climb ev’ry mountain, ford ev’ry stream, follow every rainbow ‘til you find your dream.” Keep on singing, keep on climbing. Keep the dream alive.

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Violet Fenn is currently a United Methodist in exile due to a lack of reconciling congregations in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where she lives and is attending a UCC church. She began her gender transition in 2008 and has been active working against bigotry and intolerance for many years. She is active in MOSAIC and the leader of its TransJustice working group. This fall, she is beginning the next chapter of her journey by attending Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa for a Master's in Divinity. Despite the bigotry and transphobia she has experienced at the hands of a UMC congregation, she believes that the Methodist Church will become open and affirming of everyone in the LGBTQ community.

I Will Not Go Quietly

Recently, I learned that Chad Holtz, a recent graduate of Duke Divinity School who was serving as a United Methodist local pastor in North Carolina was fired for questioning the existence of hell. Here is a link to his blog post about it. This disturbing incident prompted me to think about the risks that we Reconciling Methodists take every time we work towards inclusion of LGBTQ people in the UMC.

     Currently, I am a student at Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa, Oklahoma. As far as I know, I am the first transgender student the seminary has had. Back in 2009, the UMC church I attended in Tulsa was no longer welcoming to me and I became a member of a congregation of the United Church of Christ.Despite not being a member of the UMC, I was still active in RMN and MOSAIC. This fall, I am transferring to Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary in Chicago and coming back to the United Methodist Church, the church that I love. God has called me to be what a friend has termed a "holy rabble rouser." I am not the only one.

     Despite the very real risks that we face, we continue to fight for full-inclusion of LGBTQ persons in the UMC. Despite being told that we are of sacred worth, we are denied even the possibility of ordination because homosexuality is "incompatible with Christian teaching." Despite the attempts to silence us, we scream with indignation and make our voice heard, even if it's one small voice in the crowd. If your voice is small, keep using it. Many small voices will eventually be heard. The battle for inclusion has been a long, hard, and painful one. We mustn't give up. In spite of the attempts to silence us, we cannot go quietly. We are fighting a good fight. To quote John Wesley: "Do all the good you can, ...By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can To all the people you can As long as ever you can!"

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Violet Fenn is currently a United Methodist in exile due to a lack of reconciling congregations in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where she lives and is attending a UCC church. She began her gender transition in 2008 and has been active working against bigotry and intolerance for many years. She is active in MOSAIC and the leader of its TransJustice working group. This fall, she is beginning the next chapter of her journey by attending Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa for a Master's in Divinity. Despite the bigotry and transphobia she has experienced at the hands of a UMC congregation, she believes that the Methodist Church will become open and affirming of everyone in the LGBTQ community.

We Are What We Are

by Violet Fenn

Earlier this month, I learned that I have been accepted to Phillips Theological Seminary for the fall semester. I am very excited and a little nervous as the next chapter of my life begins. A few days after I got the wonderful news, I had a phone conversation with my brother. Since my gender transition began a little over two years ago, my family has made leaps and bounds in coming to terms with my journey. After talking to my brother, I was reminded that there is still more room for acceptance. When I told him that I had been accepted to seminary, he responded that he was surprised. When I asked why, he said, “because of what you are.”I didn’t have a response to this as I was taken aback. In retrospect, I could have told him, “I am what I am.” This has been response that I’ve used in the past when others have taken leave of their manners by asking inappropriate questions about my transition.

This response I borrow from a wonderful Broadway musical, “La Cage Aux Folles, which is playing on Broadway currently in its second revival. It’s the story of a gay couple, Georges and Albin, who own a nightclub where Albin is the headliner. He performs in drag as Za Za. Georges and Albin learn that their son, Jean-Michel is getting married to the daughter of a right-wing politician who has an agenda to close all the drag clubs in town. Jean-Michel’s fiancé and parents are coming for dinner and Georges realizes that Albin can’t be at dinner because the parents assume that Jean-Michel’s parents are a heterosexual couple. When Albin learns this, his feelings are hurt and in a show-stopping end to the musical’s first act, he sings the song “I Am What I Am.” In it, Albin sings that he can’t be anything other than what he is, a gay man. No one else has to like it, but he must be himself.

Whether a person is straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer, we can best be an example for God by being exactly how we were created. Anything less is denying ourselves and others the joy and peace that God wants all of us to experience. Anything less also denies us the opportunity to show that we are all children of God, loved by God, and accepted by God. Being ourselves is one powerful way to educate others and show them that the Church would be is a weaker body without the diversity that is so essential to its well-being. By being ourselves we invite others, as Albin sings, “to see things from a different angle.” If we do this, we make a big step towards diversity and acceptance in the Church.

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Violet Fenn is currently a United Methodist in exile due to a lack of reconciling congregations in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where she lives and is attending a UCC church. She began her gender transition in 2008 and has been active working against bigotry and intolerance for many years. She is active in MOSAIC and the leader of its TransJustice working group. This fall, she is beginning the next chapter of her journey by attending Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa for a Master's in Divinity. Despite the bigotry and transphobia she has experienced at the hands of a UMC congregation, she believes that the Methodist Church will become open and affirming of everyone in the LGBTQ community.

Wonderfully Made

by Violet Fenn

On May 19, I took a major step in my gender transition when I had out-patient surgery that takes me closer to completion. As I think about this, I am reminded of a portion of Psalm 139. In this part, David praises God for creating him; he is “fearfully and wonderfully made.” This is an incredible concept, but one that unfortunately gets used towards those in the LGBTQ community in a judgmental manner. When we come out, we are told that those feelings are sinful. To add insult to injury, those same people presumptuously tell us that we weren’t created to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, as if they knew exactly what God was thinking.

My earliest memory of “feeling different” came at the age of six or seven. My fundamental religious upbringing forbade me from saying anything about it. As I grew up, there were several incidents that occurred that were evidence of my transgender nature but there was a sense of shame attached and I repressed my feelings. When I was 26, I finally realized that I am a transgender woman. Though I knew the answer, I believed that there was something wrong with me and felt like a freak of nature. I believed God wouldn’t make me like that and I actually developed a sense of self-hatred. Eventually with time and incredible support and resources, my self-hatred went away.

While I don’t know why I have been created as transgender, I know that there is a reason behind it, just as David acknowledged in Psalm 139’s sixteenth verse:

“Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.”

Those of us in the LGBTQ community are all beautiful children of God, just like our straight allies. We add to the incredible diversity of creation. Never forget that.

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Violet Fenn, a United Methodist for 5 years, is a senior at Northeastern State University in Broken Arrow, OK majoring in English with a minor in Psychology. Violet became involved with RMN in April after attending a Call to Witness training. She is now part of leadership with MOSAIC as well as its TransJustice work group.

Comfort

by Violet Fenn

Advent and Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. My favorite part of the four weeks is the performance of Handel’s Messiah that I attend annually. The Christmas portion begins with an overture and then a beautiful tenor aria that starts with text from the 40th chapter of Isaiah: “Comfort, O comfort my people, says your God.” This incredible verse speaks volumes and has spoken the loudest to me this year.

In a recent sermon, the senior minister at the church I attend said: “Friends are sometimes God’s apology for your family.” Many people can relate, but to the LGBTQ community it has particular meaning. When our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents and other blood relatives hear the news from us that we are lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer, the reaction is not always what we expect. There is often shock, anger and judgment. So when we are rejected by our families, we turn to others in the LGBTQ community who can relate. We can also turn to others who are our allies. Not only can we turn to others, we can turn to God. To some, this seems like a contradictory statement. We who are Reconciling know differently. We can turn to the one who created us exactly like we are.

This Advent, those words from Isaiah have a new meaning for me. I take comfort in knowing that Christ is present but I also take comfort in knowing that God is with me despite the heartache I experienced when much of my family rejected me. We in the Reconciling movement who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer can take comfort knowing that when we are open and accepting of ourselves, God is pleased even though our families may not be.

If this Advent seems to be lonelier without family, we can look to the family we choose: friends. We can also look to God, the friend we all have. Take comfort in that.

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Violet Fenn, a United Methodist for 5 years, is a senior at Northeastern State University in Broken Arrow, OK majoring in English with a minor in Psychology. Violet became involved with RMN in April after attending a Call to Witness training. She is now part of leadership with MOSAIC as well as its TransJustice work group.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

by Violet Fenn

Redistributed from Reconciling Ministries FlashNet

Today is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Today, many memorial services will be held around the world to remember the lives of men and women that were killed because of they were transgendered. As of November 11th, eighty-eight (11 in the U.S) beautiful children of God are no longer with us because of hatred and bigotry at its worst.

I am a transwoman. Though I have never been a victim of a violent attack, I have experienced bigotry. In June, I was asked not to return to the Sunday school class I was part of at the UMC church I was a member of. Most of the members of the class knew me before I began my gender transition and promised their support. Needless to say, when I was asked not to come back, I was shocked and hurt. Not only that, I was baffled that a church professes “Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors” could deny one of its members the fellowship of others simply because of gender identity. I was told that had I been a gay man or a lesbian, there wouldn’t have been any issues.

Unfortunately, situations similar to this are far too common within the Methodist Church. The UMC has no doubt lost many members that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer and has lost many who are our allies simply because of discrimination.

I did not give up on the UMC; I truly believe that it can be fully open and inclusive. Last year, a step in the right direction was made when a resolution against homophobia and heterosexism was passed by the 2008 General Conference. One section in particular rings out: “THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that The United Methodist Church strengthen its advocacy of the eradication of sexism by opposing all forms of violence or discrimination based on gender, gender identity, sexual practice or sexual orientation.” How do we as United Methodists put this into practice? By practicing openness and authenticity.

We practice openness when we live unashamed of our gender identity or sexual orientation. We practice openness when we tell others that as straight allies we love and are welcoming to our LGBT brothers and sisters. We practice openness when we proclaim that violence and discrimination towards the LGBT community is wrong.

We practice authenticity when we put those words and thoughts into action.

On this day, I also remember the incredible contributions that many in the trans community have made. In my own journey, UMC minister Rev. David Weekley and Dr. Laura Arrowsmith, the leader of the transgender support group I attend, have made a huge and positive impact.

While I grieve for the fallen, I also grieve the exclusion of transgendered men and women in the Church. When we are fully inclusive, we honor Christ’s intention for the Church and repent of the sin of exclusion. By authentically practicing inclusion, we keep hope alive, honor the memory of the fallen and honor the world’s amazing diversity.