Reconciling Ministries Network

A Month of Sundays

By Rev. David Weekley

It has only been a month of Sundays since I attended Reconciling Ministries' Convocation,"Justice and Joy". It was an inspirational and literal mountain-top experience. I am thankful to every person who made this event possible. Just to be there, in community, was more than enough. To be honored by receiving the "Voice in the Wilderness" award for telling my story as a transgender clergy was an incredible honor. Returning home from this peak experience has been something like a rollercoaster.

A most vivid memory of mine is an amusement park rollercoaster. It was the corkscrew variety and climbed very high before the first steep drop. Strapped into my seat with a padded harness, I could barely move, but I could distinctly hear the 'click', 'click' of the drive-system moving us closer and closer to the pinnacle. Although I knew it was impossible I did utter a prayer to be removed from that ride. Then we were over the top and on our way. I closed my eyes a lot, and held on; there was nothing else to do. I admit, there have been moments, whole days in fact, when life felt exactly like those initial moments on that rollercoast. Like the rollercoaster ride, there was no getting off once I got on. These last four weeks have carried me, my family, and my community into a new space. This part of the journey is just beginning.

Like the rollercoaster, after the initial terror, sharing my story has been and remains an amazing experience. It is still so new I can barely express myself yet in words. But there is one wonderful result so far in this new part of the story. Over this month of Sundays, from the morning I first shared my transgender identity with my congregation I have received emails, letters, cards and other affirmations, prayer-support, and encouragement from all over the United States, and world. Most inspiring and joyful for me are the number of persons contacting me sharing their stories and sharing hope. In one situation a mother who watched the CBS interview wrote to tell me she was stuggling with her young-adult child's transition, but had found new understanding and resources from the interview. Hours later I received an email from that adult child, telling me their mother had changed her attitude and had some fears dispelled from that brief segment. To date I have received more than three hundred emails and cards. I have been able to refer many people to resources in their communities. These contacts displace any rollercoaster fears with deep gratitude and joy. All of these blessings, and it has only been a month of Sundays!   

Back in the Day

By Transgender Clergy Person

Becoming more active in the LGBTQ community, I realize I am often much older than others; older not necessarily in chronological age, but in transition age. Thirty-four years is a long time. It is longer than many of the people I meet in the community today have been alive. Someone once referred to me as a 'pioneer', which I guess is the truth. As one person recently said, "It's a different world than when you transitioned." In many ways this is true; in others, it seems little has changed. One change I especially appreciate and celebrate is the move towards transparency in life. "Back in the day" as they say, the particular medical team I worked with counseled me to live a post-transition life completely disconnected from the past. I was advised to fabricate 'facts' from early years if necessary, and closely guard who I shared my true story with in the future. I remember arguing there were things about this counsel that did not feel right. I asked one psychiatrist  how I could possibly have authentic relationships which such a large part of "me" left out? He responded saying it was no more an issue than the fact most people do not generally share their deepest 'secrets', even with spouses and close friends. 

As I reflect on this advice and all that has happened in the years since, I can say two things. First, I am certain that on some level this counsel was intended to be helpful, and even protective. On the other hand, this standard also protects society from the pressure to openly discuss gender identity and sexual orientation from anything other than a binary, polarized, and polarizing perspective [For further reading on this see, 'Omnigender' by Dr. Virginia Ramey Mollencott, Pilgrim Press]. From my vantage point today, in accepting the 'Harry Benjamin Standards of Care' that contained these guidelines, the medical community practiced a type of "Don't ask, don't tell" policy with its transgender clients. Such a policy ultimately fails and does harm while enforced, as people are encouraged to hide aspects of their authentic selves. It also allows society to continue unjust policies and practices towards LGBTQ people. If we do not exist, why do we need protection and equal rights? 

For the third time this week I have shared my story with friends or members of my congregation. Last evening I enjoyed a picnic dinner during which I shared my story with two more people. Each time I have risked this move into transparency, the results have been dramatic. Last night was another blessing as walls came down, pretense and facade fell away, and five individuals experienced genuine spiritual community together.

I am grateful for this particular change among those working with LGBTQ persons within medical and counseling communities. At the same time, I continue to grieve how the Church reinforces these out-dated standards in a futile attempt to protect itself from the very abundance of life it espouses. There are some things that must be left where they belong, "back in the day."

   

"All Means All": It Sounds So New, but Isn't

By Transgender Clergy Person

My denomination is presently split over what is known as the "All Means All" campaign, essentially a grassroots effort to remove a long list of those especially welcomed in our churches to simply say, "All people are welcome in our churches." Somehow, our conservatives have interpreted this as a conspiracy to welcome LGBTQ [Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, and Bisexual and Questioning persons] into our houses of worship. This, in turn has resulted in a well-funded and well-published effort to stop "All Means All" before it becomes a ratified change to our denomination's Book of Discipline.

Well, I and the congregation I serve already do welcome every person who comes to worship with the welcome of Christ. How could any Christian really oppose such a statement? Unfortunately, some of the more fearful in our denomination once again attempt to throw 'traditional family values' into the discussion, wanting to connect present conventional western [i.e. American] culture--including its interpretation of what constitutes a family--as that which follows a divine plan and maintains those current values as the apex of God's plan. Discussions and evaluations of LGBTQ persons [generally without our representation] inevitably enter into the center of such discussion, where we are deemed  'abominations, unredeemed, hated by God' and otherwise unfit for serious consideration.

The truth is that current definitions are far from those in place in Jesus' lifetime. In that time, women were considered property under religious law, without rights of inheritance, vote, or other public voice. This is one reason a woman such as the judge Deborah stands out, as well as other women who are named in the Old and New Testaments. Monogamy was not the law of that day, and it was common for one man to have several wives. There was also the custom of Levarite marriage, whereby a surviving brother was obligated to marry his deceased brother's wife and produce children in honor of his brother's name. None of these values survive in today's list of American 'traditional family values' as defined by some conservative Christians.

In fact, the acknowledgment and social inclusion of gender variant persons is noted in ancient Jewish texts and interpretations of Scripture. For example: In the Talmud, the Androgynos is a person who has both male and female sexual characteristics. There are 149 references in the Mishna and Talmud, and 335 in classical midrash and Jewish law codes concerning the androgynos. Contrary to the general interpretation of the "Adam and Eve" story in the Book of Genesis, Rabbi ben Elazar, commenting on this text said: "When the Holy One, blessed be the One, created the first 'adam' [human being], God made him an 'androgynos'. As here it is written,'in the likeness of God, God created them; male and female [Genesis 5:2]

Our spiritual ancestors acknowledged the positive presence of diversity in creation, including gender variant people. Honored spiritual leaders from centuries ago were capable of recognizing the value and unique perspective that gender variant persons of faith have to offer. If we really desire to return to traditional family values, we should look as objectively as possible at what such values were around two thousand years ago. There is no parallel between marriage and family culture in that time and those of a certain segment of American culture today. It would also benefit all persons of faith to consider what other scholars, such as those I mentioned, have to offer in our current conversations.

It seems that there have been times when "All Means All" was lived out in faith communities. It is impossible to understand why today more than 50% of my denomination trembles at such a vision. This is the very denomination which affirms in our Holy Communion service that "all are welcome at Christ's table," right next to our current communications campaign slogan, "Open hearts, open minds, open doors- the people of The United Methodist Church."  When will "all" really mean all?  

    

Coming Out- Again

"It's not a problem for me! I hope you retire here...we have some of them in our family,too!"

Aside from the "retire" comment this conversation could easily have occurred decades ago, during life between the ages of fourteen and twenty-nine; those years when every new relationship eventually led to some type of disclosure regarding my transgender identity. It was inevitably touch-and-go about when to share this part of my lifestory with new friends, but I never doubted it would be part of our conversation at some point. 

This all changed when I entered seminary and then local church ministry. Although I attended a seminary well-known for both its academics and its emphasis on social justice, once enrolled I found it less welcoming than I anticipated. Following graduation, I was not long into my first appointment when a conversation over lunch with a new colleague raised my apprehension. When he compared being a member of the lgbt community with his own struggle with 'addiction' to smoking marijuana, and how we can and should all be "cured" through faith just as he was at an evangelical prayer meeting, I understood the precariousness of my position. I learned that in order to serve in the United Methodist Church, which I felt called to do, I needed to dive back into the closet. This is where I and my spouse continue to live, though doors are beginning to open. Now, almost forty years after my first "coming out" I find myself doing it all over again. Forty years in the wilderness are drawing to a close. This was marked by that comment above, "It's not a problem for me. I hope you retire here. We have some of them in our family, too!" 

Years ago I helped develop a new program at a local church. We soon discovered that as an oversight I had no office or workspace. I moved from one shared space to another for the year, even ending up in a large closet in the nursery for a few weeks! During this time my wife gave me a lapel button she found that read, "Out of the closet and into the streets"! It was great fun to wear and even to enjoy the ironic humor. Today the pin seems more prophetic message than hidden humor. 

And so after twenty-seven years in this clergy closet, just last week I sat with my wife and two most cherished members of my congregation. We shared prayer and stories never spoken in previous congregations. It was then this beautiful, smiling, eighty-four year old said to me: "It's not a problem for me! I hope you retire here. We have some of them in our family, too!" Wow! Twenty-nine years after I first came out, here I am coming out again; out of the closet and into the streets! It feels good to be breathing the fresh air of their acceptance. I will not return to the closet again.

Open Hearts, open minds, open doors: The People of The United Methodist Church

By Anonymous Transgender UMC Clergy Person

I first read this slogan advertising my denomination when it was new. I eagerly searched through the promotional kit when it arrived. It contained radio spots, television ads., lettherhead, posters and a dvd. Exploring these items I discovered graphics and verbal messages declaring the welcoming attitude of our denomination to all persons, recognizing each one as a precious child of God. There were radio spots celebrating the equality of women and men, the diversity of races and cultures, the blessings of various ages and generations. The most recent television spot I've seen describes each person following a unique yet common journey of faith. All are invited to share, to explore this journey among other persons of faith in the United Methodist Church. Long ago I put that box down, and the slogan too, because, on that day and ever since there is nothing welcoming me; nothing inviting my family and many dear friends into the United Methodist Church. And I am a United Methodist clergy. I also happen to be transgender, and people in the LGBTQ community are not welcome.

I was recently reminded that we are not welcome in churches of the denomination I serve as I read results of the Spring meeting of The Judicial Council, our denomination's highest court. The particular decision concerns United Methodist clergy and same-sex marriage. Overturning California-Pacific Conference Bishop Mary Ann Swenson's ruling supporting a conference resolution recognizing "the pastoral need and prophetic authority of our clergy and congregations to offer the ministry of marriage ceremonies for same-gender couples", the court ruled it is a chargeable offense for United Methodist clergypersons to perform such ceremonies. This is so even in states where it is legal, even in churches that uphold these rights, and even if the clergy are retired.

In nearly three decades I have performed countless marriage ceremonies for numerous couples. Several years ago I married a United Methodist bishop and a dear member of my congregation. It is always an honor and blessing to preside and participate in such a sacred time. Now I am forbidden from offering same-sex couples who, guided by faith, seek to celebrate their union in covenant with God through the Church, and in the presence of family and friends. My denomination's highest court declares they are not to enjoy the support, encouragement, and community of my church. Ultimately this means my family is not to enjoy these things either. Our children have already left The United Methodist Church over these issues, long before they knew our story. Having grown up in the Church, they understood the gospel and could not agree with what they heard and read coming from our denomination.

In this post-Easter season filled with budding new life, our Judicial Council wields yet another death blow to those who would share their journey of faith from the unique perspective of LGBTQ persons. The council wields another blow to me and to my family as well.

"Open hearts, open minds, open doors: The people of The United Methodist Church"?

Maybe someday, but not today. Today I mourn for those I love, for my church and denomination, for myself, and most of all, for the kin-dom of God.  

What's In a Name?

Anonymous,Anonymous.

This is my name as I join you on the Reconciling Ministries blog. It is really a non-name and it is not the name I would choose. It is not the name I did choose for myself years ago. I hope to share my chosen name with you in the future, but I fear to do so now. I feel a bit sheepish about this, about the conflict and fear I feel over sharing my name. This is ironic to me.

I grew up in conflict and fear. I grew up with a name I could not bear to hear spoken aloud in reference to me. As soon as I was old enough I found a nickname I could bear: that name was "Sherman". At the time my adolescent friends dubbed me Sherman neither they nor I were perceptive enough to see the truth hidden there: She-r-man. Soon teachers, parents of friends, and peers all called me by this name. Sherman, a name that means "Shearer of sheep". Although I had no sheep, I finally had a name I could live with and no longer be anonymous in identity.Years later, following myriad medical and legal hoops, all the tests, and all of the surgeries, I discerned another name, a sacred name, holy to me in the truth it speaks about who I am; how I see and understand myself today. I love to hear my name spoken aloud.

Anonymous, Anonymous.

After all these years why am I anonymous again? Because now I do have sheep; the sheep of Christ's fold that are my denomination and my congregation. The sheep, many of whom would reject their shepherd if they knew his story; my story. But my sheep need to know this story. It is the story of my faith journey. It is the story of God's leading and loving in my life. It is the story of my call to ministry. It is Life. How can I be authentic without speaking and living my story? How can my heart not break at long last from pent-up pressure of words and truths I long to share; words and truths God created in me as one witness, one more expression of the unfolding story of God's love for us all that, for Christians, begins with Jesus the Christ?

It has been twenty-seven years now, this church-imposed anonymity.

Anonymous, Anonymous.

What's in a name?

I am.