By Ann Thompson Cook
I’ve just spent some time with a congregation that is well into the inquiry of whether to explicitly and publicly welcome lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.
Members are raising the usual questions/concerns, but one particularly intrigued me today: the notion that the process requires a LONG TIME. They told me,
• We have to go very slowly.
• We have a lot of people who are very uncomfortable; we wouldn’t want to divide the church.
• It wouldn’t be good to rush anything, you know, probably two or three years would be right.
I found myself raising the question, Just how comfortable do you have to get before you can declare yourself as welcoming?
At Dumbarton, all these many years ago, we wrestled as a congregation for nine months (not counting the planning). At that time, we had no “out” members, and for many of the hetero-identified people, it was the first time to talk openly about this subject.
At the end of our process—which involved guest preachers, adult education classes, facilitated committee meetings, and an all-day retreat with the parents of small children—we voted unanimously to become a welcoming congregation.
Does that mean that everyone was completely comfortable? Not by a long shot.
A lot of the people who voted that day were still very uncomfortable, but they had come to the conclusion that being welcoming was the right thing for us to do. So when they raised their hand, they did so in spite of their fears.
Raising their hand was an affirmation that they intended to be open, even though they had little idea what that would mean or what changes might be required.
That was 1987, and for the first few years, when I invited gay and lesbian friends to visit Dumbarton, I mentioned that the congregation had an intention to be welcoming, but we weren’t “there” yet, it was still a little rocky. Many people were willing to come anyway, and they joined us in the process of becoming the truly welcoming congregation that we are today.
I hope it’s clear that I’m not advocating that anyone rush the process. Congregations do need to spend some time in dialogue. But rather than put a long timetable on the process, what if you could simply express this confidence: We can trust ourselves to know when to say, “It’s time.”