Reconciling Ministries Network

Ain’t No One Monkey Run This Movement

Years ago, I had a supervisor who periodically had to remind me that I wasn’t indispensable.  As she put it, Ain’t no one monkey run this show, ain’t no one monkey make it go….

Her expression stuck with me, and I’m often reminded of it in movement work when people appear to have appointed themselves as the sole hub around which our wheel should turn. For whatever reason, they expect to be consulted in advance of any utterance or action, so they can give their blessing—or veto. Perhaps you’ve seen this in operation in your congregation, annual conference, or coalitions.

But vibrant movements don’t work that way. The success of our movement depends on a variety of people taking a variety of actions. Our success depends on

• some people working inside the system and some knocking loudly on the door from outside,
• some working behind the scenes and some stepping boldly out front,
• some making quiet witness and some making noisy proclamations.

In the end, our success depends on engaging clergy and laity, LGBT and non-LGBT, young and old, those with wealth and those with limited means, accountants and dancers and parents and healers—all of us, in our own ways, to do what we can in our own settings, based on our own gifts, our own roles, and our own unique opportunities. 

What would our movement be like—how might it grow—if we took on the practice of cheering each other on, encouraging each other to discern where we’re called, and supporting each other to fulfill those calls? 

That kind of practice would surely empower the movement. And it just might reflect to the world the peace we are all working for.

As for me, I’m grateful that there ain’t no one monkey…

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Ann Thompson Cook directs Many Voices, which later this year will launch an online, ecumenical clearinghouse of worship and educational resources for the welcoming movement. Her books on sexual orientation and gender diversity—And God Loves Each One, Dios nos ama por iqual, and Made in God’s Image—are distributed by eight national organizations including RMN.

Liberated to take action here and now

by Ann Thompson Cook

As you know from my last post, several clergy who affiliate with Dumbarton UMC are proceeding to conduct legal, same-sex weddings in Washington, DC. The following is excerpted from a deeply reflective letter that Rev. Harry Kiely wrote to his Dumbarton clergy brothers and sisters and agreed to share with you:

In his famous Letter from a Birmingham Jail, Dr. King noted the silence of the white churches in the face of the injustices of racial segregation. He challenged the religious leaders who were warning him against moving “too fast” that such thinking is condescending, and that its advocates “paternalistically feel that [they] can set the timetable for another [person]’s freedom.”

In today’s struggle over full LGBT rights, including marriage equality, justice-seekers are once again admonished to postpone their movement until a more convenient time.

We are being criticized for “stirring up” hostile feelings. We need to remember that the hostility is buried deep in the false illusions of homophobia. Uprooting these injustices and exposing them to the light of Christ’s radiant presence does not create conflict but exposes the lies that are used to suppress gay freedom.

Resurrection faith involves the crucifixion of the false idol of homophobia and proclaiming the good news that the tomb is empty. The message we are called to echo is that our sisters and brothers are simply demanding the right to be treated as human beings.

For us who are the surviving disciples, the news is unbelievably good and our mission is absolutely clear. Just as the resurrected Jesus did not condemn the disciples for their cowardice and betrayal, he does not condemn those of us who have been slow to stand up for gay justice.

Yes, we were wrong. Yes, we were slow to respond. Yes, we put off making a faithful decision. But Christ has set us free from the burden of guilt. Furthermore, we are not only set free from such guilt, we are absolved and liberated to take action here and now in this time and in these circumstances. Our sin of avoidance has been transformed into a new and empowered call for justice.

Finally, it behooves us to be awake to the grace that befalls those we encounter as our adversaries. The temptation to divide the “good” people from the “bad” people is ever present. Our adversaries are the recipients of grace, just as we are. As we hold firm to our gospel convictions, we remember how Peter, when arrested, simply stood by his faith. He proclaimed the gospel of grace to his adversaries, yet without condemning them. This, also, is our call.

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Ann Thompson Cook directs Many Voices, which later this year will launch an online, ecumenical clearinghouse of worship and educational resources for the welcoming movement. Her books on sexual orientation and gender diversity—And God Loves Each One, Dios nos ama por iqual, and Made in God’s Image—are distributed by eight national organizations including RMN.

Dumbarton celebrates marriage equality in Washington, DC

by Ann Thompson Cook

As DC’s law granting marriage equality goes into effect today, Dumbarton UMC is ready. We’ve publicly welcomed LGBT people and their families since 1987, and we’re not about to close our doors, much less our hearts and minds.

Thirteen active and retired clergy who affiliate with Dumbarton have discerned their call to bless committed love wherever it is found, and the congregation fully supports them in that expression. The church council approved a strong statement* that ends with this paragraph:

Today we affirm that God’s grace is open to all, and we witness to that grace through our commitment to justice and equality in our congregation, the District of Columbia, the United Methodist Church, and the world. We will honor and celebrate the wedding of any couple, licensed in the District of Columbia, who seek to commit their lives to one another in marriage. 

On February 14, at our annual celebration of being a Reconciling Congregation, one member after another filed to the front to sign their agreement. 

Our new statement updates a statement we created nearly 20 years ago on holy unions. Then, as now, we deplored legal and church condemnations of same-sex committed relationships and declared that we would treat all couples equally. 

At that time, when our bishop read of our intentions in a Washington Post article, he was furious and called the entire church council into his office. Of all the things that were said that day, I will never forget him saying this: Same-sex marriage isn’t recognized in civil law! You can’t participate in something that’s not recognized in civil law!  

Well, today—in the District of Columbia—same-sex marriage is recognized in civil law, and we celebrate this new step on the long road to full justice and equality for all.

*See the full statement here.

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Ann Thompson Cook directs Many Voices, which later this year will launch an online, ecumenical clearinghouse of worship and educational resources for the welcoming movement. Her books on sexual orientation and gender diversity—And God Loves Each One, Dios nos ama por iqual, and Made in God’s Image—are distributed by eight national organizations including RMN.

What Might Be Possible?

by Ann Thompson Cook

At the turn of a year, I find myself reflecting on how far I still have to go in becoming open. Open to people who seem to me to have closed minds, open to people who draw the circle tight and exclude those I care about. The trouble is, if I can’t be open to them, I am them.

And so, standing there, I’m having trouble with the common wisdom in the movement about how we should focus our attentions on the “movable middle.” Over the years, I’ve seen too many people who seemed staunchly opposed to equality—who appeared far from movable—reverse themselves.

In fact, over the years, I’ve noticed that I’m not that good at predicting who’s movable and who’s not.

In Kitchen Table Wisdom, Rachel Naomi Remen tells the story of a farmer who had beaten the odds of cancer, despite a dire prognosis. It wasn’t that he denied the cancer, he just listened to the prognosis the way he listened to the government soil experts. She explains, “As they were educated men, he respected them and listened carefully as they showed him the findings of their tests and told him that the corn would not grow in this field. He valued their opinions, but … ‘A lot of the time the corn grows anyway.’”

So I keep asking, what would it look like for me to be open to every one? What might be possible if I could see that spark of light, that bit of gold inside, no matter what meanness they had ever expressed, no matter what they were saying or doing at the moment?

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Ann Thompson Cook directs Many Voices, which later this year will launch an online, ecumenical clearinghouse of worship and educational resources for the welcoming movement. Her books on sexual orientation and gender diversity—And God Loves Each One, Dios nos ama por iqual, and Made in God’s Image—are distributed by eight national organizations including RMN.

Another loss

By Ann Thompson Cook

My congregation Dumbarton UMC’s seminary intern is leaving both Dumbarton and the United Methodist Church.

Mike’s eyes are open. He knows that when it’s time to seek ordination, he and his new husband will not be welcome in the UMC. So we lose yet another life-long Methodist.

Mike submitted his letter of resignation to the Church Council last week. Please join us in the prayer we shared that night, tearfully offered by Rev. Mary Kraus.

O God, in the Spirit revealed in Jesus Christ, 

we bring our anger and our sorrow 

for the sinfulness of the United Methodist Church. 

You constantly remind us that 

we are created in your image and loved by you. 

And yet tonight, our hearts ache at the church’s exclusion of our brother Mike 

because of the way you created him. 

We ask how long must the church continue in this way. 

We ask why, and at times like this, 

it is very difficult to hear or feel your response. 

And so, all we can do is bring our laments and seek strength 

to keep working for justice. 

In the liberating power of the Christ, we bring you this prayer.  

Amen.

 Ann Thompson Cook directs the God Loves Each One Ministry, http://www.gleo.org

We'll still have work to do!

By Ann Thompson Cook

I had an opportunity to attend a recent gathering to celebrate the fifth anniversary of one of my favorite organizations, the National Center for Transgender Equality.

From the beginning, NCTE’s brilliant and visionary founder, Mara Keisling, created a strategy of collaboration.  She was clear that the success of the movement for transgender equality would depend on creating a vibrant coalition of people who were unwilling to bargain away the rights of some in the interest of progress for others.

People told many of the kinds of stories that go with building a movement, such as the time that representatives from several national organizations sat in Senator Kennedy’s office and explained to him why they weren’t willing to walk away from transgender rights to attain lesbian and gay rights. And Mara sat in the back of the room in amazement, seeing that her voice wasn’t really needed.

Many stories from many different movement leaders. All inspiring. But for me, the most inspiring came from Mara. At the end of the evening, she wrapped up her remarks by saying something like this: 

We’re going to win this, our rights will come, but we must not stop there. 

We’ll still have work to do, because we’re not in this just to get our own rights. 

We’re in this to create a better world for everyone!

Becoming intrepid

By Ann Thompson Cook

As I’ve thought recently about what’s needed in our movement, I kept thinking of the word “intrepid.” Once I looked it up, I realized why. According to several dictionaries, intrepid means audacious, invulnerable to fear or intimidation, courageous, bold, brave.

Many people come to me who are working toward having their congregation expand their welcome to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender folks.  

• Frequently, they’ve already put on some classes or other events, and they’re frustrated.
• They say they’re just preaching to the choir.
• They hear that some people are uncomfortable, but “those people” don’t come for the scheduled dialogues.   

So, I wonder aloud, If they don’t come to you, how about you going to them? How about finding out what they’re thinking, and sharing what you’re thinking? 

Brief silence… and then people acknowledge their own worries:  

• I'd be pretty uncomfortable; 
• It would make the other person uncomfortable; and/or 
• The conversation sounds like confrontation, and I'm just not a confrontational person. 

Of course, if you barge in with all your righteousness blazing, not much will be gained. When we walk into any conversation ready to argue, unwilling to hear what another person’s concerns/fears are, or expecting to be angry or hurt, it rarely goes well.  

But what if you could invite people into the conversation in a spirit of love and respect, carrying with you the possibility of healing? Then could you be intrepid? 

Please note: Intrepid means audacious, invulnerable to fear or intimidation, courageous, bold, brave. It does not mean obnoxious, judgmental, critical, or mean. 

If you've been holding back from such conversations, imagine for a moment standing with another person in a spirit of love and respect, carrying with you the possibility of healing.  

• How would you set up the conversation, and how would it go?
• Who would do most of the talking?
• Can you imagine yourself really hearing the other person’s concerns/fears and also sharing your own experience and vision?  
• What would be possible in such a conversation? 

Standing in a spirit of love and respect, might you be willing to ask yourself and others into conversations you’ve not explored before? Could you be intrepid?

What would be possible?

By Ann Thompson Cook

When congregations consider extending welcome to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, many fears pop out. People say, “But we’re already welcoming! Why do we need to single out LGBT people?” 

Often, underneath that question are deeper concerns:
• We might become a gay church!
• What if this divides the church?
• People might leave (and take their money with them)!
• What would it say to the children?

These fears are real and can often be addressed directly through sharing and education, but I’ve found that some people stay stuck in these voiced and unvoiced concerns. Even people who are leading the inquiry can get stuck in the concerns of other members of the congregation.

When I’ve been with groups that I sense are stuck, I ask them this question:
What would become available—what would be possible—if you became a welcoming congregation?

Usually, a few people say “Huh? What do you mean?” I simply repeat my question,
What would become available—what would be possible—if you became a welcoming congregation?
and invite them to have it mean whatever it means to them. Then we go around the circle, allowing each person time to give one answer.

Following are some of the many responses I’ve heard:

If we declared ourselves as welcoming, we would…
• More fully manifest the teachings of the church and have greater integrity as Christians;
• Become open to everyone being themselves;
• Make our church safe for everyone;
• Attract interesting new members, including youth and young adults;
• Become a magnet for individuals and families of all kinds who want to be part of a welcoming community;
• Open the door to greater acceptance of ourselves as sexual beings;
• Develop a deeper compassion and love (face our prejudices and grow, learn to experience the humanness of others, come to a deeper understanding that we’re all the same).

Surely there are many more answers to my question, but it doesn’t really matter if they’re all covered.  Just sharing their vision with each other inspires the whole group. 

And, as you know, sometimes being inspired is what gives us courage to move through our fears and concerns.

Just how comfortable?

By Ann Thompson Cook

I’ve just spent some time with a congregation that is well into the inquiry of whether to explicitly and publicly welcome lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

Members are raising the usual questions/concerns, but one  particularly intrigued me today: the notion that the process requires a LONG TIME.  They told me,
• We have to go very slowly.
• We have a lot of people who are very uncomfortable; we wouldn’t want to divide the church.
• It wouldn’t be good to rush anything, you know, probably two or three years would be right.

I found myself raising the question, Just how comfortable do you have to get before you can declare yourself as welcoming?

At Dumbarton, all these many years ago, we wrestled as a congregation for nine months (not counting the planning). At that time, we had no “out” members, and for many of the hetero-identified people, it was the first time to talk openly about this subject.

At the end of our process—which involved guest preachers, adult education classes, facilitated committee meetings, and an all-day retreat with the parents of small children—we voted unanimously to become a welcoming congregation.

Does that mean that everyone was completely comfortable? Not by a long shot.

A lot of the people who voted that day were still very uncomfortable, but they had come to the conclusion that being welcoming was the right thing for us to do. So when they raised their hand, they did so in spite of their fears. 

Raising their hand was an affirmation that they intended to be open, even though they had little idea what that would mean or what changes might be required.

That was 1987, and for the first few years, when I invited gay and lesbian friends to visit Dumbarton, I mentioned that the congregation had an intention to be welcoming, but we weren’t “there” yet, it was still a little rocky.  Many people were willing to come anyway, and they joined us in the process of becoming the truly welcoming congregation that we are today.

I hope it’s clear that I’m not advocating that anyone rush the process. Congregations do need to spend some time in dialogue. But rather than put a long timetable on the process, what if you could simply express this confidence: We can trust ourselves to know when to say, “It’s time.”

Thank you, Ms. Schroer!

By Ann Thompson Cook

Diane Schroer has just won an important case for gender freedom.  A retired US Army Colonel, Diane had applied for a job at the Library of Congress while still living as David, and had been offered the job as the most highly qualified applicant. But when she told her new employer that she would be transitioning, the employer choked and withdrew the job offer.

Diane sued, claiming that she was wrongfully denied employment. According to the National Center for Transgender Equality:

In his ruling United States District Judge James Robertson stated… "None of the five assertedly legitimate reasons that the Library has given for refusing to hire Schroer withstands scrutiny."

Judge Robertson concluded, "In refusing to hire Diane Schroer because her appearance and background did not comport with the decisionmaker's sex stereotypes about how men and women should act and appear, and in response to Schroer's decision to transition, legally, culturally, and physically, from male to female, the Library of Congress violated Title VII's prohibition on sex discrimination." For more, including a link to the full decision, see NCTE's website,

Judge Robertson got to the heart of it when he repudiated employment decisions based on “stereotypes about how men and women should act and appear.”

Those sex/gender stereotypes are foundational. They are the basis for discrimination and violence against anyone who doesn’t conform—gay men for loving men, lesbians for loving women, transfolks and anyone else who acts or appears other than how society defines “straight” and “normal,” male and female.

Sometimes I wonder whether we would take more ground as a movement if we were challenging those stereotypes directly rather than focusing on identities. The movement for equality spends so much energy sorting out which labels are appropriate—LGBTQA etc.—hoping to clarify how to identify ourselves and others. But too often, as we flounder in the conversation of identities, we forget to challenge the stereotypes that require them in the first place.

We will never come up with enough labels to fit everyone (thank God). What if we focused on building a world where all of us are free to simply be ourselves?