Anonymous Blog Post
I am angry! I am so very angry and while I would love to tell you this is righteous anger but I do not think it is. My anger is a very real human and imperfect anger. But before this turns into just a rant about my anger let me share some of what is making me so very angry.
I am angry that I read a letter written by a woman who's church tried to systematically and intentionally destroy her life all in the name of showing her what happens when you “choose against God”, and in the name of “church discipline” because she acknowledged she was attracted to other women.
I am angry that I read a story in which a person on the national stage equated the disgusting abusive acts of a football coach to that of my consensual and legal love for another man. I am even more angry that there was hardly an outcry against it.
I am angry that in my own denomination I have to lie about who I am to answer the God given call I have. I am angry that I had to lie this past weekend when asked about significant past relationships. I am angry that the only way to make it through this process of ordination is to publicly deny a part of myself that I am not ashamed of. I am angry that I have to wonder if this coming General Conference will be the one when we finally get it right and realize that we should not exclude those that God accepts. I am even more angry when I realize that we have been fighting this anti-LGBTQ language for forty long years.
I am angry and that I have to justify my life to others. I am angry at having to come out as a gay man and then lay out my church credentials so that people understand I am a person of faith. I am even more angry at having to immediately defend my deep and personal faith to other who have decided without even knowing me that I have no true faith. I am angry that there are those in my beloved United Methodist Church that affirm my calling until I tell them I am gay.
More than anything I am angry that we still have to make room for those who try to limit God and God's creation. I am angry that there is still room left at the table for those not affirming as if this were a legitimate point of view that we desperately need at the table. I am angry that part of myself does not want some people at the table because they have hurt me and others I care about so badly. I am angry that this issue has been used to divide and distract us from our purpose of making disciples for the transformation of the world. I am angry that we are still the disciples asking “who gets to sit at your right and your left” and angry that we still seem to not get the purpose of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.