RMNBlog

Angry Lament to the Church

Anonymous Blog Post

I am angry! I am so very angry and while I would love to tell you this is righteous anger but I do not think it is. My anger is a very real human and imperfect anger. But before this turns into just a rant about my anger let me share some of what is making me so very angry.

I am angry that I read a letter written by a woman who's church tried to systematically and intentionally destroy her life all in the name of showing her what happens when you “choose against God”, and in the name of “church discipline” because she acknowledged she was attracted to other women.

I am angry that I read a story in which a person on the national stage equated the disgusting abusive acts of a football coach to that of my consensual and legal love for another man. I am even more angry that there was hardly an outcry against it.

I am angry that in my own denomination I have to lie about who I am to answer the God given call I have. I am angry that I had to lie this past weekend when asked about significant past relationships. I am angry that the only way to make it through this process of ordination is to publicly deny a part of myself that I am not ashamed of. I am angry that I have to wonder if this coming General Conference will be the one when we finally get it right and realize that we should not exclude those that God accepts. I am even more angry when I realize that we have been fighting this anti-LGBTQ language for forty long years.

I am angry and that I have to justify my life to others. I am angry at having to come out as a gay man and then lay out my church credentials so that people understand I am a person of faith. I am even more angry at having to immediately defend my deep and personal faith to other who have decided without even knowing me that I have no true faith. I am angry that there are those in my beloved United Methodist Church that affirm my calling until I tell them I am gay.

More than anything I am angry that we still have to make room for those who try to limit God and God's creation. I am angry that there is still room left at the table for those not affirming as if this were a legitimate point of view that we desperately need at the table. I am angry that part of myself does not want some people at the table because they have hurt me and others I care about so badly. I am angry that this issue has been used to divide and distract us from our purpose of making disciples for the transformation of the world. I am angry that we are still the disciples asking “who gets to sit at your right and your left” and angry that we still seem to not get the purpose of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.

Truth and Consequences

United Methodists are in the middle of a conversation about the consequences of being in ministry with good consciences.

An open letter from the Council of Bishops and a recent decision by the Judicial Council have most United Methodists thinking that we are talking about whether or not loving couples should be married by our pastors or in our churches—if the couple happens to be the same gender—and whether our pastors should be punished for this ministry.

The truth is, we are talking about having a good conscience about providing ministry to all of our members as much as we are talking about marriage.

Yet, it was marriage equality in states across this country that highlighted the conundrum of whether we should minister to all of our members. Today, with loving couples who happen to be gay or lesbian marrying in Iowa, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Vermont, New York, Washington, D.C., and the Northwest’s Coquille Indian Tribe, pastors in those states and many others are realizing that they face a decision of conscience that has consequences.

If they follow their vow to minister to all of their church members, they fall outside of the ban of marriages and performing of marriages for same gender couples and could face official complaints—and possibly charges and a trial.

If they follow the prohibition, they betray their vow to the people of God.  When a pastor refuses to minister to the members of their church and community, they are effectively creating second class citizens in the kingdom of God—a baptism with caveats, grace with a catch-22.

Relationships

by Kara Crawford

“God loves queers!” Wouldn't it be wonderful if this were a more commonly-heard message in the public sphere than its infamous converse, à la Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church? Believe it or not, it actually is a majority sentiment in Mainline Protestant Christianity. According to a Pew Forum Religion and Public Life survey conducted in 2007, 56% of Mainline Protestant Christians agreed that homosexuality should be accepted, and I am virtually positive the percentage has only increased since then.

So, not all Christians are anti-queer. In fact, many genuinely believe in, and a fair number act on, the sentiment that “God loves queers!” Some Christians are out queers; some queers are out Christians. Many signs point to positive changes in favor of queer acceptance by Christians.

However, this doesn't account for unsupportive Christians. Some of us know all too well who they are, have been repeatedly hurt by their hateful sentiments, some of us even left the churches of our childhood because of the hatred we felt from them. For some of us, they are former pastors and Sunday school teachers, even grandparents and parents. Can't we just ignore their hatred and pretend it doesn't exist, or better yet, only pay it attention when we're protesting and counterprotesting it and mocking their rhetoric?

I would argue no. In fact, I would argue that simply ignoring them is counterproductive to our looking for inclusion and acceptance. How's that, you may ask? Well, most simply, even unsupportive folks are part of the society in which we live. So if we, as queers and company, want to genuinely work to transform and challenge society's heterosexism, I believe it is critical that we work to build genuine relationships with unsupportive folks. Sure, it will be difficult. We will face challenging and even hurtful conversations, but I believe this is key to bringing about transformation.