By Peter L. DeGroote
At yesterday’s BWARM* gathering a participant said the church is one of the most dangerous places an LBGT person can go. He was emphasizing the importance of clergy and leaders carving out a safe place of welcome in otherwise hostile congregational environments.
That was followed by stories pointing to another reality: Very often clergy are the source of the danger; that through sermons and attitudes clergy plant the seeds of rejection and hatred rather that a sense of honor and respect (love) for all creation.
Overall, the program produced a positive discussion of personal/family/church relations but stories from fear frequently popped up. We heard how growing up in the church had been an experience of fear; several heads nodded in agreement. We heard an outraged straight man tell of friends being beaten down by clergy and other church leaders. A seminary student, sitting next to his wife who was holding their newly born baby, worried about the influence of those churches in which they would have to raise their son—would they be reconciling congregations? What seeds would they sow? We heard a story of one man who had come to know gay and lesbian folks finding himself standing up in a church meeting to tell his pastor that his hateful speech about gay folks was a lie.
Afterward some of us old-timers reflected together. One, who has been a leader in reconciling activity for many years admitted that even now when he goes to church or a denominational gathering he has a set of defensive tools all shined up and ready to use. He is keenly aware that some resent his opinions, the fact that he has a voice in church and denominational affairs, and even his presence.
Another old-timer spoke of having to go elsewhere for spiritual strength and solace because he could no longer find those things in the church. His many years of fighting had resulted in his coming to see the church as just another social institution producing negative social values and, therefore, in need of change. He could fight those battles in any institution but remained in the church because that is where he learned to fight them; but his spiritual health comes from elsewhere.
When I got home I pondered where I stood in all of this. Being an old-timer myself, I share some of the feelings of those two old-timers described above. But I also feel something far more disconcerting. I have dealt with the fear, the rejection, the negative attitudes, and sometimes outright hatred as a pastor and preacher. That meant I had to face all of that in the context of biblical and theological understanding. In doing so I have come to realize the vacuity, self-centeredness, and institutional defensiveness that is at the center of so much of our practice, policy, and even our creedal declarations.
I am frequently reminded of the early churches recollection of Jesus’ attitude toward religious institutions: You religious leaders, you impostors! Damn you! You slam the door of Heaven’s domain in people’s faces. You yourselves don’t enter, and you block the way of those trying to enter. (Matthew 23:13with a slight modification to the translation by Funk, Hoover, and the Jesus Seminar.)
*BWARM=Baltimore Washington Area Reconciling United Methodists.
Peter is a second career pastor who has served in several churches in the Baltimore-Washington Conference. Prior to his ordination, he was a secondary-school teacher, a university lecturer in Government, an Associate in a government related professional association, CEO of a national financial institution. Peter was involved in Mid-Atlantic Affirmation, served on the National Council of Affirmation, and sat on the Board of the Reconciling Congregations Program, the predecessor name for RMN and has worked with BWARM (Baltimore-Washington Reconciling United Methodists).
Reconciling Ministries Network mobilizes United Methodists of all sexual orientations and gender identities to transform our Church and world into the full expression of Christ’s inclusive love.
