Reconciling Ministries Network

"All Means All": It Sounds So New, but Isn't

By Transgender Clergy Person

My denomination is presently split over what is known as the "All Means All" campaign, essentially a grassroots effort to remove a long list of those especially welcomed in our churches to simply say, "All people are welcome in our churches." Somehow, our conservatives have interpreted this as a conspiracy to welcome LGBTQ [Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, and Bisexual and Questioning persons] into our houses of worship. This, in turn has resulted in a well-funded and well-published effort to stop "All Means All" before it becomes a ratified change to our denomination's Book of Discipline.

Well, I and the congregation I serve already do welcome every person who comes to worship with the welcome of Christ. How could any Christian really oppose such a statement? Unfortunately, some of the more fearful in our denomination once again attempt to throw 'traditional family values' into the discussion, wanting to connect present conventional western [i.e. American] culture--including its interpretation of what constitutes a family--as that which follows a divine plan and maintains those current values as the apex of God's plan. Discussions and evaluations of LGBTQ persons [generally without our representation] inevitably enter into the center of such discussion, where we are deemed  'abominations, unredeemed, hated by God' and otherwise unfit for serious consideration.

The truth is that current definitions are far from those in place in Jesus' lifetime. In that time, women were considered property under religious law, without rights of inheritance, vote, or other public voice. This is one reason a woman such as the judge Deborah stands out, as well as other women who are named in the Old and New Testaments. Monogamy was not the law of that day, and it was common for one man to have several wives. There was also the custom of Levarite marriage, whereby a surviving brother was obligated to marry his deceased brother's wife and produce children in honor of his brother's name. None of these values survive in today's list of American 'traditional family values' as defined by some conservative Christians.

In fact, the acknowledgment and social inclusion of gender variant persons is noted in ancient Jewish texts and interpretations of Scripture. For example: In the Talmud, the Androgynos is a person who has both male and female sexual characteristics. There are 149 references in the Mishna and Talmud, and 335 in classical midrash and Jewish law codes concerning the androgynos. Contrary to the general interpretation of the "Adam and Eve" story in the Book of Genesis, Rabbi ben Elazar, commenting on this text said: "When the Holy One, blessed be the One, created the first 'adam' [human being], God made him an 'androgynos'. As here it is written,'in the likeness of God, God created them; male and female [Genesis 5:2]

Our spiritual ancestors acknowledged the positive presence of diversity in creation, including gender variant people. Honored spiritual leaders from centuries ago were capable of recognizing the value and unique perspective that gender variant persons of faith have to offer. If we really desire to return to traditional family values, we should look as objectively as possible at what such values were around two thousand years ago. There is no parallel between marriage and family culture in that time and those of a certain segment of American culture today. It would also benefit all persons of faith to consider what other scholars, such as those I mentioned, have to offer in our current conversations.

It seems that there have been times when "All Means All" was lived out in faith communities. It is impossible to understand why today more than 50% of my denomination trembles at such a vision. This is the very denomination which affirms in our Holy Communion service that "all are welcome at Christ's table," right next to our current communications campaign slogan, "Open hearts, open minds, open doors- the people of The United Methodist Church."  When will "all" really mean all?  

    

Bible Belt

By Langston Hughes

It would be too bad if Jesus
Were to come back black.
There are so many churches
Where he could not pray
In the U.S.A.,
Where entrance to Negroes,
No matter how sanctified,
Is denied,
Where race, not religion,
Is glorified.
But say it --
you may be
Crucified.

----

Written between 1951 and 1960. The Collected Poems of Langston Hughes.

Happy Father's Day, Richard Bruce Cheney

By Rev. Gilbert H. Caldwell

In recent years, it has been my custom on Father's Day to write about a father who has been open in his support of a member of his family who is lesbian or a gay man.  A few years ago, I wrote about a father who at the time was a seminary president and was dismissed from his position because he presided at the marriage ceremony of his lesbian daughter. Richard Bruce Cheney is, of course, Dick Cheney, our former vice president. Although I have disagreed with his worldview and some of his political positions, I have sought to not allow those differences to get in the way of my applauding the open support he has given to his daughter Mary, her long-time partner Heather Poe, and their child.

In his chapter entitled "Confession and Communion" in the work Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer addresses Christian fellowship: "The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner...Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous." As one who has never pretended to be pious, nor judged others in the fellowship because they too are unpious, I have found sustenance in Bonhoeffer's suggestion that we should learn to "fellowship as the undevout, as sinners....The fact is that we are sinners."

Both in church and society, we sometimes find it difficult to celebrate anything that is positive in those with whom we disagree. It is as though if we acknowledge that we deem an idea or conviction is positive, we automatically embrace all that the person has been and is. I do not want anyone to embrace all that I have been and might be, but I do hope they will not refrain from embracing that within me that they agree with and support, despite some differences.

In a recent appearance at the National Press Club, Dick Cheney said, "One of my daughters is Gay....I believe she and others should have the freedom (granted by the state) to enter into a union or marriage" (paraphrase).  One of the ironies of this moment is that while President Barack Obama supports same gender unions but not marriages, former Vice President Cheney believes same gender marriages, if affirmed by the state, are appropriate. Barack Obama is a president whom I supported and support, but I disagree with him on same gender marriage. A Vice President whom I did not support and do not support on some issues, nevertheless, I am in agreement with in his support of his daughter Mary and same gender marriage.

I believe that it is time in church and society for us to transcend right and left thinking and judgment. Ariana Huffington has written; "The seismic shifts in our society have rendered rights vs. left thinking as archaic as a flat earth map." I believe that when we in the United Methodist Church no longer view acceptance and affirmation of LGBT persons and same gender unions and marriages as a "left" issue and not a "right" issue, we--to our surprise--will discover "communion" (Bonhoeffer) as we have not known in recent years. More and more persons whom some describe as conservative are now openly expressing their support for same gender marriage as a Constitution-granted civil right. If this is happening in secular society, why not in the United Methodist Church?

"Former Vice President Cheney, I offer you a belated 'Happy Father's Day'--not because of your justifications of the war in Iraq, or enhanced interrogation of suspected terrorists, or your critiques of the current Administration's defense against possible terrorism--but because you as a father have not been silent in your support of your daughter Mary to be who she is, and to love and commit herself to whomever she pleases. May all of us as fathers, whether our children are Gay or straight, be as open and as bold in our support of them as you are of both of your daughters."

(A bit of history: The George W. Bush administration, I have learned, was the first administration when a President and Vice President in office at the same time shared the same denominational affiliation: The United Methodist Church).

Gil Caldwell

A Good Question!

By Peter L. DeGroote

1. Some of Jesus’ followers were threatened by a man who was not of their group healing in Jesus’ name and asked if they should stop him. How might we answer the question today? 

When others who are not of our church, denomination, beliefs, or faith do as Jesus taught, should we denigrate their motives, try to stop them, or take pleasure in their activity?
The way we answer these kinds of questions affects our definition of reconciliation.

2. The earliest gospel, Mark, reports that Jesus said, "Don't stop him! Whoever is not against us is on our side" (9:40).  The other gospels reveal a difference of opinion in the early church:  

A. Matthew: "The one who isn't with me is against me, and the one who doesn't gather with me scatters" (12:30).

B. Luke uses both: 
(1) "Whoever is not against you is on your side” (9:50).
(2) “The one who isn't with me is against me, and the one who doesn't gather with me scatters" (11:23).

4. Did Jesus teach contradictory ideas? That seems unlikely.
So, what is happening here?

A. The inclusive version (if you're not against us, you're with us) reflects the earliest gospel tradition. Corresponding to Jesus’ efforts to tear down walls between people, it is in harmony with his prime directive of loving God and others, the path of reconciliation.

B. The exclusive version (if you’re not with us you're against us) reflects the suspicion, oppression, and even violence directed toward the early church. Needing to know who they could trust and where they could feel safe, they sought to clearly define their group in relation to others. The upshot was (and usually is) the erection of barriers around their (our) group.  Erecting barriers around groups is a survival skill from our early tribal history. Defining “we” often means defining “them” as a threat to our survival. They become our enemies.

5. Several strains in Christian history and tradition introduce several conundrums for a follower of Jesus, three of which follow: 

A. Christians have rejected, demonized, and even killed those who differ with them. In direct conflict with Jesus’ prime directive to honor and respect God and others, (love) it is difficult to understand how a claim of being followers of Jesus is possible.     

B. A preoccupation with our own salvation can result in self-centered, self-satisfied, and self-righteous attitudes, something Jesus warned us about in any number of ways.

C. We can be led down the path of thinking that confessing Jesus as our Lord and Savior is sufficient. Jesus taught a way of life, not a creed. How can we call him Master or Teacher if we do not do what he said? 

6. The task of Jesus’ followers is to apply his prime directive in their time and place. Our history reveals many steps and missteps. Each generation is faced with questions that require attention. In our time and place, such questions would include the following:

A. Are non-Christians who honor God and others (love) with or against Jesus; with or against us?

B. Do we demand that people accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior before we will honor and respect them?

C. How do we deal with others (creations of God) who think differently than we do?

C. Are we to demand that people believe what we believe or are we to be like leaven in the world?

D. Do we dare to say that God is with us, but not with others?

E. If Jesus is the way to God; do we insist that we are the way to Jesus?

Note: Scripture quotes are from Funk, Hoover, and the Jesus Seminar, The Five Gospels. NY: Macmillan (Polebridge), 1993.

A Delicate Dance

By Stephen Griffith

“I live in two worlds.”

I said it aloud to a friend as we sat visiting after an event attended by a number of gays and lesbians. She thanked me for coming, and said how much it meant to them for me to show up in support. This set me to reflecting aloud with her about my two worlds.

In one world I work with church people: Good, wonderful, caring people who attend worship services and come to Bible studies. They participate in the youth group, sing in the choir and volunteer for mission projects. They come to me worried about illness, fearful for their teenagers, wondering about their faith. They report their successes and joys and ask for prayers.

My other world is Queer. That’s their word. My friends in this world include:

• The parents whose son just came out and they’re afraid and confused.
• A closeted executive who in public gives me a subtle, secret smile as if to say “thanks for understanding."
• A teenager cautiously trying out the church again.
• A couple pledging their absolute love and loyalty to one another.
• A transgendered woman trying to figure out how to be engaged to a man, and what it means to love.

These aren’t 'church folk' for the most part. They’ve been hurt by church folk, or fear they might be, so they keep secrets and stay away. They hang out at support groups, Club Q, coffee houses or safe places on campus, but they have the same worries and fears and hopes as people in my straight world. They support charities and hold fundraisers, gather for potlucks and encourage each other. They celebrate their successes and anniversaries, console each other in their breakups, and grieve with each other.

They, too, come to me worried about illness, fearful for their teenagers, wondering about their faith. They’re not in church, but they’re hungering for meaning and for something of the Spirit, so I counsel them and pray with them. I try to stand with them and advocate for them when they ask. I identify myself as an ally.

These two worlds don’t intersect much. They exist side-by-side, much like parallel universes. I have the privilege of seeing both, moving between them, living in two worlds.

I wonder, sometimes fear, what my church-world friends would think if they knew my Queer-world friends. Many know I’m involved, of course; but few of my friends from one world have met those from the other.

Then my friend said, “You dance a delicate dance.”  That could mean a precarious, even dangerous, balancing act, and it might be true. But the way she said it, it sounded more like a graceful ballet; a delicate dance in two worlds; a pirouette at the threshold between.

The late Irish poet John O’Donohue commented on thresholds as those places and experiences in which we are open to new understandings, new possibilities for life and transformation. These are the experiences and encounters that open doorways into new ways of thinking and being, portals – or at least windows – into another world. There’s energy here at the threshold … and mystery. It’s often not clear what direction I should go or exactly what’s expected of me. It’s an unfolding adventure with a lot of uncertainty and some risk, but here I learn about issues, people and myself. Here I dance.

Later when I told another friend this story, he spun a reflection on the strength of a dancer: 

I know what takes to be a delicate dancer. I am married to one. It takes years of training, and great inner and physical strength. It requires concentration to balance and maintain balance, and a delicate tension between physical strength and gracefulness. The dancer must continually practice the disciplines in order to maintain her ability to dance.

Sometimes the dancer suffers injuries, but the determination to persevere is so strong that he will push on toward healing and recovery. There is a passion and a beauty to the grace-filled dancer. It shows in those who continue to dance the delicate dance through life.

I’m growing in my understanding of this dance. I confess that it doesn’t always feel very delicate – I’m still learning the steps. In fact it often feels clumsy, stumbling – hardly a dance at all. I am clear, though, that here is a threshold that beckons, and I have a sense that it is God who is beckoning me. So I pray for the strength and grace to dance this dance. I give thanks for friends in both worlds who help me see the way, and I invite others to join me.

Rev. Stephen Griffith is Minister to the Community at Saint Paul UMC, Lincoln, Nebraska.

A note on the word “queer:” My GLBT friends have mixed reactions to using the word.  Some choose the word deliberately as a way of including those who don’t fit precisely in any category – gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender – but who also know they don’t fit it the conventional straight world.  Some use it as a social and political statement.  Some identify themselves as “gender queer,” by which they mean they defy conventions of dress, behavior and role, whatever their sexual orientation. Others in the LGBT community are uncomfortable with the word, and see it as counterproductive in their campaign for acceptance by the larger society.  They remember it as an epithet equivalent to the N word, and they often resent the use of the word, even by insiders who apply it to themselves.  I have chosen to use it because it is used by most of the LGBT people I work with, and it captures the sense of not fitting in.

Whose Voice Do You Hear?

By Katy Krumbach

“This is my child, my beloved in whom I am well pleased.”
- Matthew 3:17

Last week we were looking at ‘old’ photos; in other words, pictures of me 30 years ago. The face in the picture looked familiar, and yet this young woman was someone I did not recognize.  Knowing this was who I had been, I wondered why she looked so unfamiliar.

My first thought when looking at myself 30 years ago was, "How pretty she is, and thin, too!" Yet I knew this picture was a person who had been told she was ‘too heavy,’ ‘plain looking, ’ and ‘uninteresting.’

One Sunday, about 15 years ago, I heard God’s voice. I heard God’s acceptance and invitation which ended with “This is my child, my beloved in whom I am well pleased.” How sweet that voice was in my ears. How cleansing are those words still in my heart. That Sunday, that voice, and my life changed forever.

I have since learned that the voices of my childhood have influenced what I thought about myself. There are still negative statements-- both my own and others--and I can still hear them.  Knowing I am God’s precious child, I wonder why I hear so clearly these negative voices. And, after hearing them, why are they the voices I remember so easily?

In the clamor of voices I hear today, I must remind myself of God’s voice: This is my beloved, in whom I am well pleased. I did hear God then, I do hear God now, and I will hear God again.  God’s voice is the one voice I choose to listen for everyday. This is the voice I love.

I have learned to hear other positive voices, too, and I still struggle to accept them and remember them as easily as I have the negative voices.

In his work Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster defines a spiritual discipline as those times, places and activities in which we choose to place ourselves so that God can bless us, grace us and strengthen us to live in the world and yet not of the world.

It has become a spiritual discipline for me to distinguish the love and grace of God from the clamor and criticism of the world.  I choose God’s voice of love and acceptance over the world’s judgment, not because it is easier or feels better, but because God’s word, love and grace are true.

I choose to be God’s child in every way, every day.

Faith Has No Boundaries: The Bridge to Victory for LGBT Advocates

By Kelli Busey

Like a fireman guiding a plume of water, faith-based LGBT advocates focus on the very root and cause of bigotry and ignorance.

LGBT faith advocates worship with people who oppose us on equality, in their Churches, and are accessing the most viable path to successfully opening hearts and minds and may soon share an incredible spiritual link with even our most intense opponent.

Christ's love knows no boundaries.

LGBT Faith advocates are absolutely essential for our civil rights movement's success.

In Christianity, historically, the most successful and victorious opponents of LGBT rights worships along side us every Sunday. We might be sharing the same interior walls or be miles apart but we are together none the less at the base of Christ's cross.

Some Christian ministries have become lost and have divided their congregations by encouraging distrust, fear and anger. This is what motivated the originators of the segregation of people of color in the past, and presently is being manipulated to target LGBT people by seeking to deny and exclude us from participation and ministry in worship and social equality.

As the ages have born witness, as more people become aware, the breeze becomes a hurricane and anger becomes a barren rock, swept clean of all pretentious facades, exposing to believers of Christ the underlying ugliness of bigotry.

Christians soon recognize this as hate and contrary to everything we share and love and the process of doubting these unfortunate and misleading ministries begins. A new, fertile soil is carried on our breeze and joined with the rock as our tears nurture the seeds of love and hope.

The when and where this realization begins is up to each and every one of us.

If we only worship in our LGBT churches, the word of Christ will remain muted. If we choose to be a part of this wind and worship on Sundays when we are strong enough to bare our souls at Churches we know reject us, we bring this conversation undeniably to full view.

Choose a Sunday!

Choose a Sunday when you feel strong and put on identifying apparel, {or in my case I'm a transgender woman and I just have to go} that makes you visible and sit down in a pew. Breath in the moment. You will feel every possible emotion from your neighbours. Surprisingly, you may notice acceptance from some, but many may fear and loathe you. These are learned reactions, so when people see that you are there to truly worship, distrust and fear are diminished. Some may still hate you and object to your very presence, and you might even be denied communion.

It's not easy, but our Saviour suffered for us so we us could do this.

On that very day, you will have accomplished a miracle. You will have touched people deeply by your bravery and faith. You will have introduced and communicated on a personal level our community to people who otherwise would have never known us.

Whether I am going to burn in hell, as one Baptist Minister told me, or if I am a true disciple of Jesus, as I am convinced, we share our faith together. I will go to his church on Sunday and love Jesus Christ as much as if I was in an MCC Church. This is the bridge, solid as a rock, and available for us to cross to victory.

Wonderful work by the IWR

Institute for Welcoming Resources
Two groundbreaking studies find religious voices critical to the advancement of LGBT equality

Organizing GLBTQ faith advocacy

Soulforce Sundays of Solidarity

The UMC and the Black Community, The UMC and the Gay Community, More of the Same

Rev. Gilbert H. Caldwell

My memories of the slowness of the Methodist/United Methodist Church to embrace the Black community have surfaced as I observe the slowness of United Methodism to embrace the Gay community. The current state of racial inclusiveness in the UMC makes us reluctant to remember the history that has brought us to this moment. We look at ourselves today and see leaders at every level who are Black, but the presence of Black persons as members of the United Methodist Church has not increased. The slowness of the Methodist/United Methodist Church to embrace the southern Freedom Movement in the past stood in the way of Blacks joining the UMC.  Today, the resistance of our denomination to embrace the Gay rights movement must cause many Gay persons to be reluctant to affiliate with United Methodism.

James Lawson, Civil Rights Movement ucon, now a retired United Methodist minister, wrote these words in 1993 about the reluctance of the Church to join the march to racial justice that was taking place in secular society in 1964: "The 1964 General Conference in Pittsburgh showed me again the shame and glory of the Methodist Church. I saw the Church at its very best: the hundreds of non-delegates who attended expecting racism to be confronted with prophetic zeal and compassion...some of us wanted to confront the General Conference in some style that would provoke the sort of discussion and realism that could produce serious change. I...saw my expectations and hopes dashed...when the last effort of the (Black delegates) from the Central Jurisdiction failed, I wept openly outside the hall...I knew that Black Methodists needed another vehicle for renewal of The Methodist Church. I left Pittsburgh with the certain knowledge that nonviolent action and work were necessary...We did not see our Church taking seriously the escalating movement for freedom as symbolized in Martin Luther King, Jr." *

Today there is an "escalating movement for freedom as symbolized" by the successful efforts to gain same gender civil unions and marriage rights in state after state. There are now 18 thousand married same gender couples in California, and the efforts to overturn Proposition 8 are increasing. Yet the "sound of silence" of The United Methodist Church is deafening. Those who have expressed a willingness to provide ministry for and to same gender couples have been told The Book of Discipline forbids that ministry. Even as some of us believe and seek to live the words of Karl Barth, "The Christian lives life with the Bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other," we act as though our newspapers and other media carry no stories that the state Constitution-based gains to marry same gender couples have been achieved. The "official" voices of the denomination have been muted at best or silent at worst, giving the impression that while society is changing, the denomination never will.

After the 1954 Supreme Court decision that invalidated the concept/practice of "separate but equal" public schools, many of my black colleagues in Black denominations asked, "Why is the Methodist Church moving so slowly in its efforts to eliminate the racially-segregated Central Jurisdiction?"  When in 1968 the denomination began the process of merging the Central Jurisdiction with the geographical Jurisdictions, they asked, "What took so long and why is there still so much reluctance to include those who were excluded?"

My preacher-father once told the story of the preacher who preached an emotion-packed sermon urging young people to consider the ordained ministry or to become missionaries.  When the preacher gave the altar call inviting the young people to come forward as a public expression of their commitment, he noticed a teenage girl whom he knew well, leaving her seat to come and kneel. She was the preacher's daughter. As she knelt he walked over to her and said; "Mary, honey, I didn't mean you".

Despite all of our United Methodist proclaimed "openness" and our desire to "make disciples," there are so many people who are aware of our legislation and action who know, "The United Methodist Church does not mean me."

I was ordained a Deacon in 1956. During my ministry, time and time again, I have met Black persons who are not United Methodist who are not sure that our denomination--which was so long and so reluctant in embracing, as Jim Lawson says, "the movement as kairos"--is able to authentically embrace them not only racially, but also historically and culturally. They believe that for them, there is a "don't ask, don't tell" ethos in the Church that would stifle their candor and honesty about who they are racially.

Do any of us honestly not understand why some same gender couples and LGBT persons are reluctant to join a denomination that both fails to officially stand in solidarity with the Gay rights movement and has legislation and attitudes within the denomination that proclaims Gay persons do not belong?

There is yet a final observation that has shaped by my experience as pastor of predominantly white and black churches. I have been pastor of white persons (and some black persons) who, as they acknowledge their resistance to or apathy about the racial justice-focused Civil Rights Movement, now wish they had been participants in, or at least proponents of, a Movement that transformed the nation for the better.

My prayer is that those United Methodists who now are resistant to or apathetic about the Gay Rights Movement would have a change of mind and heart so they will not later regret they were barriers rather than bridges within United Methodism as it moves to affirmation of both the humanity and Christian "compatibility" of those whom it now rejects.

Gil Caldwell
Asbury Park, NJ

*Our Time Under God is Now, Reflections on Black Methodists for Church Renewal, Woodie W. White, General Editor, "The Early Days", (Chapter 1),  James M. Lawson, Jr., Abingdon Press, 1993

I Am Fully Me At Last!

Rev. Ray Hinton

This is a portion of a letter I sent to a number of pastors, many of whom I have known 40 years. It is my coming out to them. I enclosed my Stand Tall Gay Man poem.

June 5, 2009

Background Information

At age 27 I was hospitalized in a psyche ward twice  – a month each

– followed by nearly 30 years of clinical depression. Now age 71.

In the past you have been there for me. Thank you. Now - as Paul Harvey would say, ‘I want you to know the rest of the story. I am a gay man. I could not tell you then!

Last night I hosted a Gay – Lesbian Social in my home. A few years ago a professional said, “This group is my safe place.”

Should anyone need a safe place, especially in the church?

What is the church?

I will not be attending Annual Conference. While I am not ashamed of who I am or what I have done, I am a bit tender. I struggled to understand who I am since youth. My gay nature was like a dog nipping at my heels until I reached down and petted it.

As you vote at Annual Conference, please be prayerfully aware of others like myself  (clergy and lay) who are still struggling within with their sexuality –extremely fearful of being found out. We are many in the UMC. An elder-care lawyer said, “Why is it most Methodist Ministers are gay?”

Having visited more than once in almost every home in every parish I served, I honestly believe the focus at Conference is merely a spot fire of the real issue facing our denomination. The anger present in our churches is often rooted in unhealed physical – emotional and spiritual pain especially when individuals (gay and non-gay) do not find here a HEALING PRESENCE.

Agape – unconditional love / acceptance does not imply approval. (This concept is vital to the understanding of acceptance!)

Health and empowering individuals to be all who God knows we already are is my continued focus.  As individuals are empowered the church likewise is empowered –in that order.

I can live with truth – not a lie. I am fully me at last!

Faithfully,

Rev. Raymond Hinton

Stand Tall Gay Men
Gay Pride It Be
> My Birthing  <

Stand Tall Gay Men
Very Tall
Proud Of Who We Be
Dubbed   Gay Pride
Healthily Proud

Prejudicial Persecution
Out Of Sight  =  Out Of Mind
Ashamed Of We  -  They Be
Grossly Misunderstood
Religious Bias
Disowned
Funerals Held
Vindictive Homophobic’s Vent Rage
In The Name Of Righteousness
Matthew Shepherd
(Remember Them In Your Heart}
Need I Say More
Need I say More

Shatters Our Worlds
My World
My Well Being Questioned
Hopes ‘n Dreams
Emasculated
Angry
Clinically Depressed
Frozen Rage It Be
Zilch Creativity
Frozen Mind
Near Non-Reader Me
Dumbest On Earth  -   Felt Me
Guilty To Even Be
Hopelessly Helpless
Felt Alone
Abandoned

Feared Rejection
Ridicule
Persecution
Grew Distant
Hardened Heart
Coldest Fish On Earth
Hid
Unconscious Insulation  -  It Be
Lived A Lie Did I
Closeted Its Called
Painfully Demoralized
A Coward
Ashamed of Me
Frantically Ran   --  From Me
Everything To Live For
(‘N Still Do)
But
It Didn’t Cut Mustard
Nor Happiness Bring
Prayed Nightly To Die
Twice Tried It

Disillusioned
Hope Gone
My Knight In Shining Armor Was Not
No Liberator  -   Out There
Would Never Be
Gut Wrenching
Hurting Deeply Within
Through Tear Stained Eyes
Dawned A Glimmer of Hope
A Refreshing Insight
Sparkling Clear Like Water
Life Emerges From Within
My Own Knight  -  Must I Be
My Cry Was Answered
The Miracle Could Yet Happen
Morning Light Follows Darkness of Night

Gay Pride’s The Answer
Potential Life It Brings
Claim    Who I Be
A Gay Man
Life Today   Could Yet Be
Depending On Me
Yes
Only Me
Life  ==   The Guts To Be


Simple Secret  --  Yet Profound
Believe In Myself
All Of Who I Am
A Gay Man ‘N A Man Of Faith
Stand Tall ‘n Claim My Worth
Right To Be
Much GOODNESS Within
Dubbed  >> ‘The God In Me’
Known By Many Names
Author of Life
Higher Power
> The Name You Cherish <
My Highest / Divine Self
Ah Ha
Yes
Empowering God Within
Encouraging Me To Be
Yes
Pride
Gay Pride
Stand Tall ‘n Be

Life
Permission To Be
Germinated From The Tiniest Seed
Slowly  - Slowly    –     Slowly Grew
Did I Mention Painfully Slow
Not Patient  -  Me?
Caged
Grew Angry
Struggled Through Rocky Resistant Soil
Stretched Upward Seeking Light  ‘n Fresh Air
Became Healthier ‘n Stronger
Gay Pride   -  Was The Life-Giving’ Seed
New Life There Be

Head Erect
Shoulders Back
Standing Tall
Empowered To Be    The Man I Am
Always Meant To Be
A Winner
Whole At Last
Bingo
Made It!
I Am Who I Am
Unashamedly   -   A Man Of Faith
‘N Gay To The Core
Not What I Do
Who I Am
Me

Incredible
Age Seventy  -  My Search’s Ended
Truth Discovered
Everything’s Within
Patiently Waiting On Me
Amazing It Be
Strength, Courage, Resiliency
Source of Happiness ‘n Friendships Too
My Own Liberating Agent  -  Energized Within
Gay Pride Turns The Key
Pride
Yes
Gay Pride Turns The Key

Indoctrinated
Ingrained Strongly Within
Pride’s Sinful
Homosexuality Too
Progress  -  Status Changed
Mental Illness It Became
Enlightenment ?
Helpful?
An Alternate Life Style
Healthy View
Quickly Reverted
Sin Again

Gay Meant Happy   -  Joyful –   Cheerful
Still Does
The Rainbow’s Our Symbol
Beautiful It Be
Colorful Rainbows Transform Storms
Beautiful Gay Be

Gray Is Gorgeous
Amazing Gray Matter A Gift To Me
Essential
Essential
Did I Say Essential
Think – Think – Think Some More
Our Ace In The Hole
Use It or Lose It
Well Endowed Are We
Understanding Empowers
Initiates Chain Reactions
Gives Courage To Risk
Sets Captives Free
Is There Life Without Risk?
What?  -  Tell Me!
Stand Tall Gay Men
Cherish ‘n Be

My Heart Aches
For Men Everywhere
Who Search A Lifetime For Happiness
Minds Fraught
Hearts Aching
Unrealized Hopes ‘n Dreams
Empty, Aching, Longing, Terrified , Angry
Gay – Bisexual – Transgender
Encompassing All Ages ‘n Races
Men of Worth  -  Each Unique
Definitely   –    Definitely  Men
Caught In The Hangman’s Noose
Geographical, Cultural ‘n Religious
Marital Situation, Family ‘n Friends
Fearing Aids
Quality Men of Value ‘n Worth
Each Wonderfully Unique
Struggling To Be

Caring Healing Presence
Pilot Me
Increase My Faith In Others
More Sensitive
My Heart More Caring
More Appreciative Be
Respecting Other’s Intelligence
Each Capable   -  Wise Choices Make
Open My Eyes To See As You See
Good In Others
Strengths ‘n Contributions
Kind Loving Hearts
Tenderness  ‘n Compassion
Wisdom ‘n Creativity
Your Own Child
Your Presence In Each
Dear To You

Gentle Shepherd
May I Slow Down ‘n Recall
My Own Rocky Path
May I Never Forget
Those Who Were There For Me
Lest I Forget ‘n Judge
Offering Un-requested Advice
May I Respect Others’ Intelligence
‘N Fix Not What May Not Be Broken
But Trust My Bothers
‘N You  O Tender One
For What You Alone Do Best

God Of Our Forefathers
Healthy Encouraging Affirming Parent
May I Never Forget Those who Paved Freedoms’ Way
Gay   ‘n    Straight
Sacrifices Made  ---  Their Sweat, Blood And Tears
The For-runners Of Life For Me Today
Spiritual Giants
Gay ‘n  Straight
Their Sacrifices Made  ---  Sweat, Blood ‘n Tears
Martin Luther
Mahatma Gandhi
Martin Luther King
‘N Those Who Led Me To My Heart
St Francis Of Assisi
Henry J. No-win
‘ N Men Who Died Standing Tall
Proud To Be Gay
May I Also Be

Sensitizer
May I Harden Not My Heart
For Our Persecutors
Angry Homophobic’s  -  Hurting Too Are They
Similar To We
Inward War Zones  -  Vent Their Hurt On We
Un-healed Pain   -  Often Rooted Elsewhere
Just Angry They Be
Often Self-Hate  -  Denial Of Who They Be
Transgender  -  Bi-Sexual  -  Gay
Simply Mirrors Are We
Reflections Of Who They Be  -  Often Unknowingly
Fearful
Ashamed Of Inner Struggle
Hurting – Hurting - Hurting
Vent Anger On We
Merely Dumping Grounds   Are We

Solace Within
Thank You For You
May I Be More Understanding ‘n Forgiving
Those I Hurt Along The Way  -  Family ‘n Friends
Struggling With My Growth ‘n Moods
Like A Seedling Breaking Ground
Necessary For Me To Be
Their Well-being Also Questioned
Images Of Me  -  Shattered
They Too Throbbing Within
Thank You O Gentle One
Your Presence  -   I n Them Also Be
A Solace Within

Thank You
Transforming Empowering One
It’s In The Head
It’s In The Heart
At The Top Of The Mountain I Be
Glimpsing The Promised Land
The Journey Has Not Ended
It Has Only Begun
My Birthing It Be
The Future’s Unknown
No Promises  Nor Easy Sledding
Nor Guarantees Given
A Bit Scary It Be

Guiding Spirit
Whatever Comes
Whatever May Be
May I Always Pause To Remember
The Long Line Of Splendor
Of Those Who Paved The Way
‘N Also Courageously
Stand Tall ‘N Be
Me.   

Ray Hinton,
UMC Clergy
February 2008

Coming Out- Again

"It's not a problem for me! I hope you retire here...we have some of them in our family,too!"

Aside from the "retire" comment this conversation could easily have occurred decades ago, during life between the ages of fourteen and twenty-nine; those years when every new relationship eventually led to some type of disclosure regarding my transgender identity. It was inevitably touch-and-go about when to share this part of my lifestory with new friends, but I never doubted it would be part of our conversation at some point. 

This all changed when I entered seminary and then local church ministry. Although I attended a seminary well-known for both its academics and its emphasis on social justice, once enrolled I found it less welcoming than I anticipated. Following graduation, I was not long into my first appointment when a conversation over lunch with a new colleague raised my apprehension. When he compared being a member of the lgbt community with his own struggle with 'addiction' to smoking marijuana, and how we can and should all be "cured" through faith just as he was at an evangelical prayer meeting, I understood the precariousness of my position. I learned that in order to serve in the United Methodist Church, which I felt called to do, I needed to dive back into the closet. This is where I and my spouse continue to live, though doors are beginning to open. Now, almost forty years after my first "coming out" I find myself doing it all over again. Forty years in the wilderness are drawing to a close. This was marked by that comment above, "It's not a problem for me. I hope you retire here. We have some of them in our family, too!" 

Years ago I helped develop a new program at a local church. We soon discovered that as an oversight I had no office or workspace. I moved from one shared space to another for the year, even ending up in a large closet in the nursery for a few weeks! During this time my wife gave me a lapel button she found that read, "Out of the closet and into the streets"! It was great fun to wear and even to enjoy the ironic humor. Today the pin seems more prophetic message than hidden humor. 

And so after twenty-seven years in this clergy closet, just last week I sat with my wife and two most cherished members of my congregation. We shared prayer and stories never spoken in previous congregations. It was then this beautiful, smiling, eighty-four year old said to me: "It's not a problem for me! I hope you retire here. We have some of them in our family, too!" Wow! Twenty-nine years after I first came out, here I am coming out again; out of the closet and into the streets! It feels good to be breathing the fresh air of their acceptance. I will not return to the closet again.