Rev. Ray Hinton
This is a portion of a letter I sent to a number of pastors, many of whom I have known 40 years. It is my coming out to them. I enclosed my Stand Tall Gay Man poem.
June 5, 2009
Background Information
At age 27 I was hospitalized in a psyche ward twice – a month each
– followed by nearly 30 years of clinical depression. Now age 71.
In the past you have been there for me. Thank you. Now - as Paul Harvey would say, ‘I want you to know the rest of the story. I am a gay man. I could not tell you then!
Last night I hosted a Gay – Lesbian Social in my home. A few years ago a professional said, “This group is my safe place.”
Should anyone need a safe place, especially in the church?
What is the church?
I will not be attending Annual Conference. While I am not ashamed of who I am or what I have done, I am a bit tender. I struggled to understand who I am since youth. My gay nature was like a dog nipping at my heels until I reached down and petted it.
As you vote at Annual Conference, please be prayerfully aware of others like myself (clergy and lay) who are still struggling within with their sexuality –extremely fearful of being found out. We are many in the UMC. An elder-care lawyer said, “Why is it most Methodist Ministers are gay?”
Having visited more than once in almost every home in every parish I served, I honestly believe the focus at Conference is merely a spot fire of the real issue facing our denomination. The anger present in our churches is often rooted in unhealed physical – emotional and spiritual pain especially when individuals (gay and non-gay) do not find here a HEALING PRESENCE.
Agape – unconditional love / acceptance does not imply approval. (This concept is vital to the understanding of acceptance!)
Health and empowering individuals to be all who God knows we already are is my continued focus. As individuals are empowered the church likewise is empowered –in that order.
I can live with truth – not a lie. I am fully me at last!
Faithfully,
Rev. Raymond Hinton
Stand Tall Gay Men
Gay Pride It Be
> My Birthing <
Stand Tall Gay Men
Very Tall
Proud Of Who We Be
Dubbed Gay Pride
Healthily Proud
Prejudicial Persecution
Out Of Sight = Out Of Mind
Ashamed Of We - They Be
Grossly Misunderstood
Religious Bias
Disowned
Funerals Held
Vindictive Homophobic’s Vent Rage
In The Name Of Righteousness
Matthew Shepherd
(Remember Them In Your Heart}
Need I Say More
Need I say More
Shatters Our Worlds
My World
My Well Being Questioned
Hopes ‘n Dreams
Emasculated
Angry
Clinically Depressed
Frozen Rage It Be
Zilch Creativity
Frozen Mind
Near Non-Reader Me
Dumbest On Earth - Felt Me
Guilty To Even Be
Hopelessly Helpless
Felt Alone
Abandoned
Feared Rejection
Ridicule
Persecution
Grew Distant
Hardened Heart
Coldest Fish On Earth
Hid
Unconscious Insulation - It Be
Lived A Lie Did I
Closeted Its Called
Painfully Demoralized
A Coward
Ashamed of Me
Frantically Ran -- From Me
Everything To Live For
(‘N Still Do)
But
It Didn’t Cut Mustard
Nor Happiness Bring
Prayed Nightly To Die
Twice Tried It
Disillusioned
Hope Gone
My Knight In Shining Armor Was Not
No Liberator - Out There
Would Never Be
Gut Wrenching
Hurting Deeply Within
Through Tear Stained Eyes
Dawned A Glimmer of Hope
A Refreshing Insight
Sparkling Clear Like Water
Life Emerges From Within
My Own Knight - Must I Be
My Cry Was Answered
The Miracle Could Yet Happen
Morning Light Follows Darkness of Night
Gay Pride’s The Answer
Potential Life It Brings
Claim Who I Be
A Gay Man
Life Today Could Yet Be
Depending On Me
Yes
Only Me
Life == The Guts To Be
Simple Secret -- Yet Profound
Believe In Myself
All Of Who I Am
A Gay Man ‘N A Man Of Faith
Stand Tall ‘n Claim My Worth
Right To Be
Much GOODNESS Within
Dubbed >> ‘The God In Me’
Known By Many Names
Author of Life
Higher Power
> The Name You Cherish <
My Highest / Divine Self
Ah Ha
Yes
Empowering God Within
Encouraging Me To Be
Yes
Pride
Gay Pride
Stand Tall ‘n Be
Life
Permission To Be
Germinated From The Tiniest Seed
Slowly - Slowly – Slowly Grew
Did I Mention Painfully Slow
Not Patient - Me?
Caged
Grew Angry
Struggled Through Rocky Resistant Soil
Stretched Upward Seeking Light ‘n Fresh Air
Became Healthier ‘n Stronger
Gay Pride - Was The Life-Giving’ Seed
New Life There Be
Head Erect
Shoulders Back
Standing Tall
Empowered To Be The Man I Am
Always Meant To Be
A Winner
Whole At Last
Bingo
Made It!
I Am Who I Am
Unashamedly - A Man Of Faith
‘N Gay To The Core
Not What I Do
Who I Am
Me
Incredible
Age Seventy - My Search’s Ended
Truth Discovered
Everything’s Within
Patiently Waiting On Me
Amazing It Be
Strength, Courage, Resiliency
Source of Happiness ‘n Friendships Too
My Own Liberating Agent - Energized Within
Gay Pride Turns The Key
Pride
Yes
Gay Pride Turns The Key
Indoctrinated
Ingrained Strongly Within
Pride’s Sinful
Homosexuality Too
Progress - Status Changed
Mental Illness It Became
Enlightenment ?
Helpful?
An Alternate Life Style
Healthy View
Quickly Reverted
Sin Again
Gay Meant Happy - Joyful – Cheerful
Still Does
The Rainbow’s Our Symbol
Beautiful It Be
Colorful Rainbows Transform Storms
Beautiful Gay Be
Gray Is Gorgeous
Amazing Gray Matter A Gift To Me
Essential
Essential
Did I Say Essential
Think – Think – Think Some More
Our Ace In The Hole
Use It or Lose It
Well Endowed Are We
Understanding Empowers
Initiates Chain Reactions
Gives Courage To Risk
Sets Captives Free
Is There Life Without Risk?
What? - Tell Me!
Stand Tall Gay Men
Cherish ‘n Be
My Heart Aches
For Men Everywhere
Who Search A Lifetime For Happiness
Minds Fraught
Hearts Aching
Unrealized Hopes ‘n Dreams
Empty, Aching, Longing, Terrified , Angry
Gay – Bisexual – Transgender
Encompassing All Ages ‘n Races
Men of Worth - Each Unique
Definitely – Definitely Men
Caught In The Hangman’s Noose
Geographical, Cultural ‘n Religious
Marital Situation, Family ‘n Friends
Fearing Aids
Quality Men of Value ‘n Worth
Each Wonderfully Unique
Struggling To Be
Caring Healing Presence
Pilot Me
Increase My Faith In Others
More Sensitive
My Heart More Caring
More Appreciative Be
Respecting Other’s Intelligence
Each Capable - Wise Choices Make
Open My Eyes To See As You See
Good In Others
Strengths ‘n Contributions
Kind Loving Hearts
Tenderness ‘n Compassion
Wisdom ‘n Creativity
Your Own Child
Your Presence In Each
Dear To You
Gentle Shepherd
May I Slow Down ‘n Recall
My Own Rocky Path
May I Never Forget
Those Who Were There For Me
Lest I Forget ‘n Judge
Offering Un-requested Advice
May I Respect Others’ Intelligence
‘N Fix Not What May Not Be Broken
But Trust My Bothers
‘N You O Tender One
For What You Alone Do Best
God Of Our Forefathers
Healthy Encouraging Affirming Parent
May I Never Forget Those who Paved Freedoms’ Way
Gay ‘n Straight
Sacrifices Made --- Their Sweat, Blood And Tears
The For-runners Of Life For Me Today
Spiritual Giants
Gay ‘n Straight
Their Sacrifices Made --- Sweat, Blood ‘n Tears
Martin Luther
Mahatma Gandhi
Martin Luther King
‘N Those Who Led Me To My Heart
St Francis Of Assisi
Henry J. No-win
‘ N Men Who Died Standing Tall
Proud To Be Gay
May I Also Be
Sensitizer
May I Harden Not My Heart
For Our Persecutors
Angry Homophobic’s - Hurting Too Are They
Similar To We
Inward War Zones - Vent Their Hurt On We
Un-healed Pain - Often Rooted Elsewhere
Just Angry They Be
Often Self-Hate - Denial Of Who They Be
Transgender - Bi-Sexual - Gay
Simply Mirrors Are We
Reflections Of Who They Be - Often Unknowingly
Fearful
Ashamed Of Inner Struggle
Hurting – Hurting - Hurting
Vent Anger On We
Merely Dumping Grounds Are We
Solace Within
Thank You For You
May I Be More Understanding ‘n Forgiving
Those I Hurt Along The Way - Family ‘n Friends
Struggling With My Growth ‘n Moods
Like A Seedling Breaking Ground
Necessary For Me To Be
Their Well-being Also Questioned
Images Of Me - Shattered
They Too Throbbing Within
Thank You O Gentle One
Your Presence - I n Them Also Be
A Solace Within
Thank You
Transforming Empowering One
It’s In The Head
It’s In The Heart
At The Top Of The Mountain I Be
Glimpsing The Promised Land
The Journey Has Not Ended
It Has Only Begun
My Birthing It Be
The Future’s Unknown
No Promises Nor Easy Sledding
Nor Guarantees Given
A Bit Scary It Be
Guiding Spirit
Whatever Comes
Whatever May Be
May I Always Pause To Remember
The Long Line Of Splendor
Of Those Who Paved The Way
‘N Also Courageously
Stand Tall ‘N Be
Me.
Ray Hinton,
UMC Clergy
February 2008
