To Come Out or Not To Come Out

By David E Braden

In the film, Milk, Supervisor Harvey Milk portrayed by 2008 Academy Award Winner Sean Penn tells his followers that they need to come out to their families, their friends, their co-workers – to everyone. The more people who know “us” the more they accept us. Harvey’s long-time partner Scotty expresses concern about the safety of their constituents and friends if they come out of the closet.

I struggle with such insistence for people to come out. One reads stories in magazines like Out that call on one celebrity or another to come out of the closet. It makes me uncomfortable.

Calling All Gay Pastors

I remember hearing someone not too long ago in the reconciling movement question, “What if all of the queer pastors just came out? What if they just announced who they were, en mass? What would the Church do? Would they charge all of us?”

It is an intriguing scenario that relies on multiple ducks to queue up. But rather than discuss whether such a scenario is feasible, I want to talk about the tone that I so often hear during such discussions. I hear and feel so much pain that the Church has caused because it forbids queer pastors from living fully human lives. But rather than directing such pain and anger at the Church and our Discipline, I hear far too many people (in my opinion) pointing figures at our clergy, asking them why they have not come out? Why do they collude with the Institution by remaining silent? Why do they continue to preach in a Church that denies them their full being?

In one sense, these are fantastic questions to be asking but in another they seem to be attacking queer clergy and abusing them again. Are we blaming the oppressed? From where I stand, we have unjust laws in our Church and we need to change them. I am just concerned that when we get into debates on whether queer pastors should come out, we are missing opportunities to be talking about how we can change our current systems of being.

Questions That I Ponder from Time to Time

As a white, gay, young professional who has been openly gay for nearly 10 years, I wonder:

• Why do we privilege coming out?
• Do we look condescendingly on those who do not come out? If so, why?
• In what ways is “coming out” culturally, racially, ethnically, and/or generationally determined? In what ways is asking someone to “come out” another form of hegemony? When is it liberating?
• Where does self-determination fit into all of this?
• What would a world look like in which all people – heterosexual, homosexual, male, female, trans – had to decide whether to “declare” their sexuality and/or gender publicly?

More Questions For the Church Community

• What can we do to create an environment where pastors (and other LGBTQ folks) can make the decision on whether to come out without fearing the loss of their jobs, communities, and families?
• How can we support pastors who are in the closet without pressuring them to endanger themselves?
• How does our culture view coming out? How does our church view coming out?
• How does our church’s definition of “self-avowed, practicing homosexual” affect our denomination’s understanding of coming out?