What to Do When Your Pie Don't Love You

Dr. Pamela Lightsey

Friends, this one is just for your holiday joy!

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I have just returned home from washing a ton of clothes.  Ordinarily, the day before Thanksgiving I would be busy preparing a down-home Southern feast.  But oh no!  This year I decided not to cook but instead to buy my vittles.  Right now I could be enjoying a pre-Thanksgiving treat, delighting myself in the fact that I have clean underwear to last until next year.  That alone would be worth a slice of sweet potato pie with a nicely chilled glass of Bailey's liqueur.  But none of that this year!  You see that monstrosity to the left is a hoax dressed up in tin pie pan clothing.  Hmmph!  I should have taken the wrapping off the box and looked at this impostor before I took her out the bakery.  Any connoisseur of sweet potato pie could look at her and tell she is a cheap impression.  Hell, all dimpled up like that!  A true sweet potato pie would have a richly earthly appearance.  The spices of cinnamon and nutmeg would be clearly noticeable yet blending into the color and tone of the authentic dessert.  When you sample a piece of real sweet potato pie, you tongue almost wants to reach out and slap your face as if the pie is speaking and demanding, "Say my name.  Go 'head, say my name!"  Instead, I bit off into something that had the texture of wet bread.  Uugh!  Lord help me, I'll eat peanut butter and jelly tomorrow before I spend another penny on faux-Thanksgiving fixings!  At least I have my gin and juice...