The power of a single request

By Ann Thompson Cook

A few years after Dumbarton UMC became a Reconciling Congregation, Rev. Dr. Man King Tso arrived to be our pastor. We welcomed him, and at the same time, we were dismayed by his open disagreement with our Reconciling stand. 

When Jerry, our Lay Leader, and I asked to meet with him about our congregation’s commitment, Man King seriously explained that his theological study made clear to him that our Reconciling stance was wrong, but that he would remain open. Jerry and I left the meeting disheartened, as we didn’t sense openness.

Nevertheless, the congregation pursued the next stage of our dialogue – addressing the disparity in how the church treated same-sex and other-sex couples’ life commitments. Soon a young lesbian couple came forward and said that this dialogue was personally meaningful, as they would like to have what was called then a “holy union,” and they requested that the congregation witness and celebrate it with them. In new members’ class and elsewhere, they shared their own spiritual journeys and history of deep involvement with their childhood churches, making clear the depth of their request.

Along with many others in the congregation, Man King was very moved. By the time we had drafted a 2-page statement explaining that we would treat same-sex couples’ requests the same as other-sex couples’ requests, he insisted on redrafting—and strengthening—the paragraphs outlining its theological underpinnings!

Man King was so on board that after the congregation approved the statement, he suggested that we give witness by putting out a press release. This was the early 90s so getting a splash in the Washington Post was a big deal. The article featured both the congregation’s decision and the lesbian couple (who were kept anonymous for their protection, given the times).

Unfortunately, the Bishop, who knew nothing about Man King’s change of heart or our new statement of equality, was blindsided by the Post article, which he learned about via an angry phone call early that morning.  Livid, he demanded that the entire Church Council come before him and berated us for going against official denominational rules. As a congregation within the United Methodist Church, we had no standing to create policy.

I’ll never forget the sight of Man King—only months after his appointment to Dumbarton by this very bishop—sitting just to his right, joyfully inviting him to join us in creating the kindom of God.

There is much more to this story, of course, but for just a moment, consider the impact of this young couple’s request on one congregation, one clergy person, one bishop (and beyond!)

Consider, too, the impact your own requests may have had… and where in your life, you might be holding one back.